A few years ago, Sex and the City writer, Greg Behrendt wrote a brilliant book called “He’s Just Not That Into You” to help women figure out what was going on with men.
Greg got the idea to write this after he wrote that line for the show. When the female cast and crew heard the line, it shocked them with its blunt honesty.
In the show, the group are at a bar with Miranda happily recalling the details of her last date. She then asks Carrie’s boyfriend if her date was going to call and ask her out again. The boyfriend replied, “I’m not going to sugar coat it for you. He’s just not that into you.”
Stunned, the girls argue with him until he explains how he knows the man isn’t interested in Miranda. The boyfriend went on to say it’s simple to figure out what’s going on with a man. There are no mixed messages with men.
The concepts of Greg’s book still apply, but need updating.
He’s not that into you if:
1. He doesn’t call/text or email – Yeah, there’s nothing going on between the two of you except what’s happening in your mind, even if he smiles at you when you run into him wherever.
2. He calls/texts/emails, but never asks you out – Here’s where it gets confusing: why would he text/call if he wasn’t into you? Because it’s an ego boost. He likes your attention, but not necessarily you. Or he kind of likes you, but not that much.
3. All he does is text you – I call this having a “textual” relationship, where all you do is text each other. Texting is nothing, takes little effort, and it’s convenient because he can easily text you while he’s with her. (see #2 for why)
4. He disappears for a long periods of time or you call and it goes instantly to voice mail – Either he’s been arrested, or he’s on vacay with her. If you ask why he hasn’t returned your calls, he’ll say he was “busy”. Even the President isn’t that busy. If you were important to him, he would call you back.
5. When you call he answers with an unenthusiastic, “Oh…(pause)….hi” – This used to be an indicator of his lack of interest in the days before caller ID, when he would be caught off guard not knowing it was you before he answered. It still applies today.
If he doesn’t sound happy to hear from you — it’s because he isn’t.
6. He has another woman or women – Oh, sure he’s given great sounding excuses as to why he “has” to have this other woman in his life, like: “She’s a psycho. I have to break up with her slowly,” or “My mother would kill me if I got divorced,” or the classic, “But you’re my main girlfriend.”
If he was into you, you’d be the only one.
Be suspicious of a man you’ve just started seeing who refers to you by a cutsie name like “sweetheart” or “honey”. He has so many women he can’t keep your names straight.
7. He only texts/calls and wants to see you after 10:00 pm – You’re a booty call.
8. He stalks his ex on Facebook – He’s still hung-up on her, and would go back to her in ten seconds.
9. He makes excuses why he can’t call/see/commit/marry you – Trust me, he’s not intimidated/rebounding/shy/busy/traveling/taking care of sick relatives/any excuse. Unless he’s in junior high, your man isn’t afraid of your job/position/beauty/education. He just isn’t that interested in you.
Finally, the most important clue. You can tell he isn’t that interested in you if:
10. You don’t have to beat him off with a baseball bat – When a man wants you, he will pursue you, often relentlessly. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in his life, how busy he is, how much traveling he’s doing. He will make arrangments to fit you in.
If your man isn’t actively working to spend time with you, in person, then you need to realize he’s not that into you and move on.