A Politically Incorrect Zone

Finding Mr. Right in the Zombie Apocalypse

See, even Jim Carrey is a zombie!

Since the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us, we ladies must re-evaluate what to look for in a Mr. Right. You want to be partnered with the best man possible when zombies attack.

According to a 2009 University of Ottawa analysis, an outbreak of even slow zombies like those staggering around in Night of the Living Dead  “is likely to lead to the collapse of civilization, unless it is dealt with quickly.”

The researchers found that all humans end up turned or dead.

So, that means there are few things Mr. Right will need to possess, and certain things that just aren’t needed any more in these scary times.

Here are examples of the type of man you no longer want to hook up with: Mr. Rip-Off-Investors Wallstreet, Mr. High-Priced Lawyer, Mr. Hundred-Million-Dollar-Bonus Banker, Mr. Pretty-Boy Actor, Mr. Rock Star, Mr. Got-Filthy-Rich-Inventing-Computer Software.

Those fancyass lawyer briefcases aren’t going to be much use when a zombie is munching on your intestines.

Sure, Orlando is gorgeous, but what good is he when the zombie horde is pressed against that flimsy barricade?

Mr. Right needs to be fully loaded, and I don’t mean in the man junk department. I’m taking weapons. Like this guy.

I know you’ve been grossed out by him in a previous post, but he has what you need.

I don’t know what this guy is holding, but it looks like it could kill lots of zombies. He’s a keeper.

The type of man you need now is going to be more like this:

They have lots of experience cracking skulls, like when that drug deal went bad or the witness saw everything. And–bonus–they’ve got nothing to do all day but work out so they’re nice and strong.

Ask yourself, which group would you rather be with during a zombie attack? The group of pencil-necked pansy ass book readers shown below or the buffed-out convicted gangbangers?

That’s what I thought.

No, this isn’t one of the zombies. He’s just a wanna be, but he could pass right through a zombie horde undetected. He’s definitely a keeper. And to think everyone gave him shit for getting that “impractical” tattoo on his face. Who’s laughing now, huh?

In a nutshell, ladies, it’s all about re-adjusting your “wish list” to fit the current situation. This is out: 

 and this is in:

 

Deal with it. It’s for your own survival.

Here’s another type of guy you should go for now:  His Hands Should Be Registered as Lethal Weapons

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Categorised in: The Best of, Zombies

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.