A Politically Incorrect Zone

“World War Z” is an Epic Failure

World War Z is a predictable, clichéd film that—with the exception of piles of cheesy CGI zombies—we’ve seen before.  Stars Brad Pitt as a retired UN Inspector charged with saving the world after almost everyone turns into a zombie because UN inspectors do more than check for chemical weapons. Brad has to be forced out of retirement on threat of having his family evicted from a safe zone because he’s the best—and damn it—the only one who can get the job done. He is the world’s only hope because apparently, Bruce Willis, Robert Redford, Sly Stallone, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Arnold, Denzel Washington and Clint Eastwood have all been eaten by zombies.

Also stars Mirielle Enos as his “One Each Caucasian Wife”. Her character is so undeveloped she doesn’t do anything but shriek and cuddle The Kids. Anyone off the street could have played her role. Pitt’s UN boss is played by Fana Mokeona because Hollywood always puts a serious black man in charge of whitey as a way to somehow rectify slavery.

Brad is the standard noble, altruistic, resourceful, tough under pressure, independent, hero who loves his family…..zzzz… ZZZZZ…..Oh, sorry, I dozed off from boredom writing about Brad’s character. Brad jet sets around the world searching for the elusive origin of the infection. He ends up at the World Health Organization in England.

Brad, his One Each Spousal Unit and The Kids loot a store

Brad, not the trained WHO scientists with PhDs who have been studying the zombies 24 hours a day, notices that zombies don’t eat people suffering from fatal diseases.  World Health Inspector Brad injects himself with an unidentified microbe and walks unharmed right through a crowd of biters to prove his theory.  This means that people can camouflage themselves from the zombies.

Brad is miraculously cured of the “fatal” disease by the same incompetent, unobservant WHO scientists. This cure happens without Brad having to spend a moment looking sick or less than hunky. Brad is then reunited with One Each Spousal Unit Submissive Level 2 and The Kids. Movie over.

There are plenty of absurd moments. At one point when Brad and his team are trying to sneak past a mass of walkers, his clingy One Each Wife calls to see if he’s okay. Here he is on this dangerous mission, surrounded by the undead, trying to go unnoticed as a survival tactic and who is calling? The wife. The phone ringing alerts the zombies who then slaughter everyone but Brad and the pilot. Brad not only doesn’t say, “What the fuck you doing calling me now? Jesus, you’re going to get us all killed!” He doesn’t even mention the incident to her. A normal husband would have screamed at her afterwards, “How many times have I’ve told you to not call me at work, you stupid bitch! You got my entire team massacred!”

Yeah, this cost $200 million

Most of the characters in this film are so two-dimensional that cardboard cutouts could have been moved around the set in place of actors. That would have saved the producers on salaries and Kraft services, and they needed to save money. This film cost a whopping $200 million. I gotta wonder where the money went. Do CGI zombies cost a $1,000,000 apiece to create?

My conclusion:  World War Z is a steaming pile of “S”.

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