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How To Write A Dating Profile To Attract A DECENT Man - Staked in the Heart
Not A Safe Space

How To Write A Dating Profile To Attract A DECENT Man

There are a lot of ladies who would love to have this guy

Since I started reading women’s online dating profiles, I realize women are clueless about men. I’ve blogged about what men don’t want. This time I’m discussing what they do want.

When you are trying to meet men through online dating, you need to sell yourself, not list your impossible-to-meet requirements. Think about it this way: dating is a competition, and the competition is fierce for the great guys out thereIf you want one of them, you’re going to have to work at it.

If you have a bad dating profile or bad attitude, you will be weeding in losers, because decent guys will run the other direction.

There are also a couple women who would love to have this loser, because no matter how gross a man is, there is some woman who wants him

  • Men like women who want them. Men aren’t challenged by your icy demeanor. They don’t want to be Friendzoned. They want a woman who finds them desirable. I remember reading how one billionaire met his wife. He was a nerd, never married, hadn’t made his fortune yet. He found himself awkwardly standing around at a party, unsure of what to do. Then he saw a woman sitting alone gazing out the window. He got up the courage to approach her, and nervously muttered, “Hi”. She turned to look at him, and with the most brilliant smile, said enthusiastically, “Hi!’  That warm response won his heart. They have been married now for over twenty years.
  • Men are old-fashioned. Although there was a sexual revolution for women, men didn’t get the memo. Most men are not so liberal they want a woman who is promiscuous. Men aren’t threatened by your sexual experience, they are disgusted by it. Yes, it’s a double standard. Get over it.
  • Men want feminine, soft women. If they wanted strong, independent, competitive, challenging, argumentative, hard-headed, stubborn partners, they could just hang out with their guy friends.
  • Know how to take care of a man. This means know how to pamper a man, make him feel cared for, desired, comfortable, masculine, nurtured. This means he is your #1 priority.
  • Men want you to share your problems and girlie interests with someone else. Men don’t want to be your counselor. They don’t want to help you “heal,” or “balance” you.
  • Do your homework. Research what men want or don’t want. For instance, most men don’t care about a woman’s education. Mentioning your degrees on your profile does nothing for a man. He doesn’t want to bang them. As the late Joan Rivers put it, “No man reached up a woman’s skirt searching for a library card.” How do you do research men? Read some manosphere blogs. Read books by men about men.
  • Men are very visual. Physical appearance is important. You don’t have to be a supermodel, but you should keep yourself in shape and have a feminine hairstyle. Sexy clothing helps. Put it this way: men are not masturbating to images of your mind. Give him something to work with.
  • Men are sexual.
  • Men like their space. Once you have a man’s interest, don’t bombard him with cutsie text messages or phone calls. You don’t have to be his Siamese twin. Let him have time to miss you. A man falls in love with a woman in the space she’s not there. If you insist all this isn’t fair—that is sounds too 1950s—and you aren’t going to cater to any man—fine. Then don’t complain when you find yourself manless surrounded by half empty bags of cat litter.


    He isn’t thinking how hot her thoughts are

*This is mostly meant for what not to say in an online dating profile, In other words, if you are strong and independent, don’t say that. Give a man a chance to get to know you before you turn him off.


To read the original “You’re Going to End Up A Crazy Cat Lady” post go here.

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35 Responses »

  1. So men want to be your first priority and don’t want to be there in your times of need? Huh? The sexual double standard is something a lot of women have learned to deal with.. Not me fyi as I am opposed to oppression and inequality but of course that makes me a crazy bitch..
    But to expect to be in a relationship with someone and not have them cry on your shoulder when the going gets tough? What does the woman want him for then? Lackluster sex that erodes with time? Kids she is left 99 percent of the time with? A house with no job or outside friends so he can be the breadwinner because working is not feminine? He’s got a brainwashed sexual/reproducing slave…
    Remember we’re humans and not animals, we live in houses, kill and wipe out entire species for food and other items, fly on planes etc.. So are we not evolved enough to let go of that self-fufilling prophecy.. Don’t you think this mentality is making these men even more self absorbed and self entitled?
    We can’t pick and choose what we want to accept as a part of evolution and our consciousness is no different. I work as a psychiatrist and meet older men who had these mentalities, when they were young,day in and day out. What I have noticed is none of them is happy and they can’t determine why. When you spend your whole life only thinking about yourself and what you want without so much as a second thought to those around you, you end up in a very miserable existence. When it’s all said and done, you’re lying in your bed old and weary and you can’t run from all the things you know you did wrong. Men shouldn’t be told it’s ok to not share your feelings or emotions, you have a high sex drive and she’s sexy it’s ok, she’s crazy she should cook and clean, she should bitch to her friends about her problems, you’re right she never intended being friends with you (just as you suspected every time you shut out what she was saying to think about fucking her) etc etc
    This is not allowing them to take responsibility and to remain in an ignorant reality. Why tell women these things when even if they implemented it, it would only last a short while. Because women are people too, and eventually they want to be selfish too. It’s a lose-lose situation and in the end always will cease in disappointment and resentment.

  2. Thanks for making me realize that online dating is a serious business and, therefore, ought to be approached respectively. Some years ago I went for a short time to an online dating scene and, frankly, was horrified by countless profiles with the motive “there is no such thing as too feminine”. Now I understand that I simply wasn’t in a target audience (and rightfully so) and if someone wants to be successful in this scene, one has to follow the rules of the game.

  3. Great post. The sexual double-standard is a great topic, you got some really good comments on it, you should make it into a fully fleshed out post. Most women don’t understand it at all, because they’ve never considered the reverse. When women DO approach or try to pursue a guy, this is why they react so violently to being turned down. I’ve had women practically throw their drinks on me because I politely turned them down. My friend actually had a girl turn the bar staff on him and have him thrown out because she accused him of hitting her after he turned her down. Despite talking and shaking hands with friends in this same girl’s group, the bar staff roughly threw my friend out and the cops had been called. The cops proceeded without ANY evidence or eyewitnesses to slam my friend into the ground and cuff him, arresting him. Of course, there were never any charges pressed and he was released in the morning. All because of a woman scorned.

    As an aside, that guy Jake tried to date my girlfriend (at the time) and her star-struck hamster tried to rationalize it as work opportunity. I abruptly walked out of the restaurant we were in at the time and left her. Not a subtle hint and she got it.

    • I realize there’s a lot to cover on the subject and it’s hard to fully explain in one page.

      When you walked out on your gf, was it over? Or did you keep seeing each other?

      • I still wanted in on the relationship, but what I didn’t realize at the time is that the only hope it had is if I ended it. It wasn’t working the way it was going for multiple reasons. This disrespect should’ve been the last straw for the way things were going, but I attempted to salvage it and it fell apart anyway. It was one of the longest relationships I’ve been in and I’d cut it off once before when it looked like it was going the wrong direction which was probably the only reason it lasted as long as it did.

        Not only were we not as compatible as I’d thought at the time, but our schedules conflicted and it had become pretty inconvenient once she finished her studies and moved back in with her family, as we didn’t live geographically that far away but it proved inconvenient due to traffic and her sporadic/difficult to nail down work schedule.

  4. Well done! 

    While yes indeed, men prefer soft, demure, and feminine women, they don’t want brainless automatons or pushovers.

  5. I don’t think I would immediately agree with your second point: “Men are Old-Fashioned.” Personally, I’m not threatened or disgusted by a woman’s previous sexual experience. In fact, I prefer women who know what they’re doing. I think the issue is more along the lines of HOW or WHY a woman’s sexually experienced. There’s a big difference between a woman who’s experienced because she’s a slut with no standards and a woman who’s experienced because she’s been adventurous in her relationships.

    As for your third point, I think there’s a risk of people misunderstanding your point. I fear that they (such as MKZLever below) will think you’re suggesting that women need to be obedient demure sops with no movitations or agency of their own. I think the difference is that men don’t seek competition and challenge from their women. That’s what they have other men for. They seek companionship and a cooperative relationship with someone who complements them.

    I approve of your fifth point. The way I’ve always put it is “If you have a problem you need solved, come talk to me about it. Don’t come to me for sympathy; that’s what your girlfriends are for.”

  6. Wow. These are incredibly sexist and so, so wrong. You’re obviously hanging out in places that only cater to assholes. I would NEVER encourage my daughter to not be strong, independent, competitive, challenging, argumentative, hard-headed, and stubborn just so she could get a guy. She is ALL of those qualities, but she is also funny, confident, smart, caring, considerate, loving, and a beautiful person, inside and out. Since 8th grade, she has never had a lack of male attention, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your view is exactly why I never let my daughter watch Grease. I also fit all of your negative qualities, and I have been happily married for over ten years, minus a few bumps here and there. He loves me exactly as I am, which is why my daughter will never settle for anything less. My first husband is just as you describe all men to be. If that’s truly the best kind of guy that a woman can find, or even the kind of guy that she’s looking to find, she has some serious self-esteem issues.

    • Mzklever,

      This is mostly a guide for online dating profiles, which I should have made clearer. One of the major mistakes I see women making in their profiles is how they brag about being a princess, spoiled, strong, “hard to handle”, independent or “competitive,” etc. This is not attractive to men.

      I don’t care if you find it sexist. It simply is the truth. (Now if a woman is strong, she shouldn’t put that in an online dating profile.) You don’t see a lot of men disagreeing with me in the comments section, do you?

      It’s great that you’ve found a man and you were challenging, hard-headed, strong, independent and competitive with him, but if you put that in an online dating profile you wouldn’t get responses from anyone but creeps, the married, players or losers.

      I’m glad to hear your daughter found a great guy, and is happily married as well. This post is in response to women complaining that they can’t attract a DECENT man. I’m telling them why.

  7. These are all very true. It’s amazing how non-intuitive this stuff is to a lot of women, including myself. Now here’s my question, and apologies if you’ve already written about this: have you also written similar advice for men looking for women?

  8. “men are not masturbating to images of your mind” – among one of the many great lines in this post! Laugh out loud funny. But you also speak the truth in all of it!! Knowing I’ve made so many of the mistakes you mentioned here, that is how I know it’s all true!! Thankfully I’ve changed!! Great job my friend as always.

  9. I want to add to this because I’ve heard it numerous times from women on the radio and on message boards. Men are not “intimidated” by your job or education. I assure you, if they are running the other way, it’s for some other reason. To be honest, within some limits, men don’t give a crap what you do for living if they find you attractive and fun to be around. A man’s job is considered when a woman is sizing him up, but men really don’t care. So drop the attitude.

    • Yes, woman always tell other women, “Oh, girl he’s just afraid of you because you are beautiful/smart/educated/successful/talented, blah, blah.” But, they’re wrong.

  10. so much truth here. You really “get” men

    • Thanks. It has taken almost my entire life to finally understand men.

      As a woman, I have to get into a certain mindset to say the things I do about men. It’s hard to explain, but it’s different than the thinking I do as a woman. I know that sounds odd.

      • well you have a unique insight that most don’t have

        • It’s due in part to my study of men, and being married twice. I have a lot of experience with men.

          And they would really like women to stop talking so much. LOL I’m sorry, I had to throw that in.

  11. In regards to the sex double standard … you’ve reminded me of several discussions I’ve been part of where the slut/stud thing is brought up. Until men find it as easy as women to get sex then this attitude is not going to change. look what the guys who call themselves pick up artists give through .. changing behaviour, playing games, lying, entertaining, creating all kinds of things that the women want to hear … all of this just to get sex. What would your average woman have to do if they were in the same bar? Just say yes.
    Until that double standard goes .. the attitude will still be here.

    • I don’t really have a problem with the double standard, it is what it is. But, especially young women don’t seem to realize there is one.

    • This is the best I’ve ever read regarding the issue you mention:

      “The sexual double standard arises from the reality that getting sex is easy for women but hard for men. The reason studs are respected and sluts are derided is because being a stud requires skill, talent, and practice, while being a slut merely requires a pulse and a lack of impulse control. The unsung flip side of the double standard, however, is that female virgins are cherished whereas male virgins are ridiculed. A man who can’t get laid signals to the world that he is a loser, while a woman who resists spreading her legs for every scumbag who winks at her shows herself to be a sober, selective person. Because a female’s primary goal is getting the highest-quality man available to commit to her, women who cannot or will not stay in a relationship are poor sources of information on men. The male virgin and the female slut are mirror images of each other in terms of attractiveness to and knowledge of the opposite sex.”

      – written by Ferdinand Bardamu, from the [now defunct] site In Mala Fide

  12. I will not end up a crazy cat lady. Maybe a crazy dog lady, sure.


  1. The 1 Sure Way You Can Tell What He Really Feels About You – Staked in the Heart

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