I blogged awhile back about this woman who put her requirements for Mr. Right on her blog. She called it her “Non-Negotiable List”. I called her the Crazy Cat Lady. Her perfect man list is so insane she isn’t going to find a man who fits it, and she is going to end up a Crazy Cat Lady surrounded by hairballs and cat litter boxes.
Let’s revisit the list to examine why it’s so bad, and I will explain why she’s never going to find a man who fits it. Never.
- Honesty/Integrity/Loyalty/Sincerity/Values/Priorities, no flirting with other women allowed
- Sense of humor
The first ones are okay, but the “no flirting” command is controlling and reeks of insecurity.
Now we’re starting to get into some trouble with these next “non-negotiables.”
- Best Friend/Confidant – Your man can sort of be a best friend, but he doesn’t want to hear about your new Louboutin shoes or the latest thick-lash mascara. That’s what your girlfriends are for. Female characteristic.
- Self-awareness – Don’t know why this is here because if he’s conscious, he’s going to be self-aware.
- Humility – knows/accepts when he’s done or said something wrong and can apologize (no excuses, but rather reasons) – Are you wanting a man or a puppy dog?
- Chemistry/Passion/Intensity/Sexual Compatibility – Compatibility doesn’t just work one way. This would mean YOU staying in shape, wearing sexy lingerie, watching porn and agreeing to threesomes.
- Enjoys snuggling/kissing/PDA – Grown men are not all that into PDA and snuggling. They tend to want sex, and view such actions as foreplay. Female characteristic.
- Non-procrastinator (terminal) – If you expect a man to never procrastinate, you don’t get to, either.
- Social/Work/Hobbies/Alone Time – Men are good at spending time alone, but something tells me you would bitch if he spent too much alone time.
- Financial stability – Of course, he has to be financial stable, even if you aren’t.
- Work Ethic – Are you going to be a work horse, too, or is it all on him?
Now the wish list is entering what I call The Rainbow Unicorn Fantasy Zone of Unreality.
- Must be good to me and FOR me (as well as for my children…i.e. role model) – Why should a man, who isn’t the father of your children, have to be a role model? Isn’t that their bio dad’s job?
- E.Q.- The ability to correctly assess the emotions and oneself and those with whom one interacts – Female characteristic.
- Empathetic – Female characteristic.
- Conversation/Communication skills – Men’s brains are not wired for verbal communication. Female characteristic.
- Shares all household responsibilities (cooking/cleaning/bills etc) – And the man also has to fix the flat tires, change the oil, mow the law, or will you be sharing those responsibilities?
- Vulnerable – Female characteristic.
- Compassionate – Although men can be compassionate, they don’t express it like women. I’m assuming you want to see him cry watching “Terms of Endearment.” Female characteristic.
- Willingness to grow – Most men are not into “feel-good” new age philosophies about “personal growth”. Female characteristic.
- Enriching/Challenging/Nurturing – So a man has to be challenging, while simultaneously nurturing? Two of these are female characteristics.
- And maybe even more…. – More?! You want even more from this poor schmuck?
This wish list for a man is describing an incredible superhuman with amazing qualities, half of which are female.
If this man existed, he would be a woman.
I’m not a fan of these wish lists, but if you have to make one, at least make it with qualities that men actually possess.
Better yet, don’t make one at all. Don’t have any expectations or requirements other than Mr. Right be employed and not be a drug addict or serial killer.
Keep in mind, this is your future if you don’t get real about men:
Read the original “You’re Going to End Up A Crazy Cat Lady” post here.