A Politically Incorrect Zone

5 Ways Your Online Dating Profile Will Keep You Single Forever

I started reading women’s online profiles from dating websites after discovering male bloggers were mercilessly mocking them. I wanted to see for myself just how bad women’s profiles were. They were terrible.

If I was a man, I wouldn’t date any of you ladies.

You all clearly have no clue about men.

Ladies, this is some of what you need to do to improve your online profiles:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

1)  Stop quoting famous sluts, like Marilyn Monroe.  This quote of hers is on many profiles, and I don’t understand why since it makes you sound psycho. And how successful was Marilyn with men?

She wasn’t.

Don’t quote anyone. Guys looking at your profile are not interested in reading what someone else had to say; they want to know what you have to say.

And a quick note about Marilyn:  Although we love MM madly, guys don’t. To hetero guys she’s just an old dead actress.

2)  Stop describing yourself as “spoiled” or “I’m a brat” like it’s a good thing. You’re trying to attract a man, not a play date friend. Men are looking for a partner, not a babysitting job.

3)  Almost every woman says “family and friends are important to me.” It’s overused to the point it’s become a meaningless platitude. Say something that doesn’t sound canned.

4)  Stop boasting, “I’m awesome!” or “fantastic”  or  “I am not only good I am The BEST !!” without any explanation was to what you’re so good at. An online dating profile is not the place for self-affirmation. It’s a place to try to sell yourself to someone–a man–and make him want to meet/date you.

5)  Don’t put your wish list for Mr. Perfect in your profile. Men aren’t interested in what you want them to do for you, they are interested in what you can do for them. 

This is a standard “perfect man” wish list I’ve seen many times on dating profiles. He has to be:

good sense of humor
easy-going & open-minded
positive outlook in life
reliable & responsible
have a good job
resourceful & handy
genuinely passionate
caring & considerate
generous & supportive
brings me peace and balances me
a true gentleman

This list probably seems reasonable to most women. It’s not, but that’s a discussion for another time. For one thing, it’s not a man’s job to “balance” and “bring you peace.” That’s on you.

Let’s look at some excerpts from actual online profiles that would make a man think “‘next” and quickly hit the search button:

“I would say I’m that girl most guys wanna have but no one knows how to keep. I’m hard headed, strong minded and to independent for my own good, an asshole at times.”
Men don’t want to butt heads with your strong, independent, egotistical self. If you’re all that, why are you on a online dating website trying to get total strangers to ask you out?

“I am very passionate, opinionated and I tend to speak my mind.”
 — This screams, “I love to argue!”  When a man reads this, he thinks he’s going to be fighting with you constantly over your passionate opinions. Exhausting.

“I’m competitive.”
— I was amazed at how many times I saw this phrase in a profile. Men don’t want to compete with you; they have other men to do that with. Women are supposed to be partners with men, part of a team, not competitors.

Remember, when you’re writing a dating profile:  you’re trying to attract a man, not make him sprint the opposite direction in horror. Think about what you’re saying.

Read my post here on How to Attract a Man.

Read the You’re Going to End Up A Crazy Cat Lady post here.

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