A Politically Incorrect Zone

Living In The Zombie Apocalypse

The CDC wants you to know they are here for you when the zombies attack

The CDC wants you to be prepared for the upcoming zombie apocalypse, which is almost upon us. Their explanation for using zombies is to “spice up our general preparedness message.” (Because tornadoes and earthquakes aren’t sexy. Zombies are.)

These are zombies. See? Even Sarah Michelle Geller is one

Although they look mindless, these are not zombies







Once the zombies have arrived in your area, what should you do? Forget that useless CDC emergency kit you have for hurricanes or floods. You aren’t going to need clean bedding, hand towels or your frickin’ driver’s license when hungry zombies are chasing you.

You will need your Zombie Emergency Kit. This is it:

These people are doomed

The CDC recommends you have a meeting place chosen so you can regroup with your family. They suggest the family mailbox. This will not work in a zombie attack. Zombies love it when family members are stupidly standing around waiting for each other. It’s a brain buffet.

Next, you need to head to your escape home. That $100K hand-crafted fancy pants iron gate in front of your mansion isn’t going to do squat to keep out the staggering zombies mindlessly pushing against it. You need to live somewhere the zombies can’t get.

This trailer-apartment complex is the type of place you need to live. Ever seen a zombie climbing stairs like these? Didn’t think so.

Welcome to your new apartment complex

This next house is great for quick Zombie-get-a-ways.

While you plow through the horde, granny can shoot ’em from the porch with her shotgun

This Porta-Potty is totally zombie safe.

The last thing you need are zombies pushing at the door when you’re dropping a deuce

Everyone knows zombies can’t swim. Here are more zombie safe locations:

And, bonus, it has A/C!

In your Zombie Free RV you’ll be the envy of everyone still alive!

This houseboat boasts an upper level for sunbathing and picking off the undead stumbling near the water’s edge

This is the new luxury high rise

This is where HRH, Queen Elizabeth, will be living

You could hunker down in your own luxurious zombie proof bunker.

Wherever you end up living, things are going to change in the Zombie Apocalypse. We all have to make slight adjustments, even The Queen.

Read about how to find Mr. Right in a Zombie Apocalypse here.


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Categorised in: The Best of, Zombies

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