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How To Attract a Man - Staked in the Heart
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Not A Safe Space

How To Attract a Man

I have come to realize from reading lists of unrealistic requirements for a man, and women’s ridiculous online dating profiles, that women don’t know jack about men.

I’m shocked since there are books about men galore, and talk shows discuss relationships ad nauseum. Somehow women aren’t getting the message. Women of all ages don’t seem to know the basics about men.

In order to attract a man, you first need to know what men find attractive.

If you know nothing else about men, know this:

A man is attracted to a woman who makes him feel desired,
makes him feel good about himself as a man. 

Strippers use this to their advantage. Men don’t go to strip clubs to just to see hot women naked. Men go to strip clubs because strippers are friendly, excited to see them. The girls smile, are playful and make the customer (the man) feel desired, even if he has to pay to get this faux interest. It’s the only place a man can go and not be shot down when he approaches a woman.

Contrast this to typical female non-stripper behavior. I have a gorgeous 26 yr old cousin. She is cold, bitchy, entitled and conceited. Her Facebook page has 125 photos of just her in various poses she thinks make her look sexy. She treats everyone with disdain. She announced one day she was going to work in the Vegas strip clubs to “make tons of” money. I told her she wouldn’t make a dime.

She thought I was crazy to say such a thing when clearly she’s a hottie. Why the customers in the Vegas clubs would be thrilled to get the privilege of seeing her topless. I explained, “You don’t offer anything special. Why would a man pay to spend time with you? Men can interact with unfriendly bitches like you in regular clubs for free.”

She blinked in silence. Evidently, no one had ever pointed out before, that despite being pretty, she’s not too desirable. Surprisingly, men are not that into her. The only types of men who are going to be attracted to her—and risk her icy rejection—are players or married. Her haughty attitude is selectively weeding those men in, and weeding out decent single guys.

This is Stefanie

I blogged about another young woman, named Stefanie, who is also blowing it with men. Stefanie wrote an open letter to “Mr. Wrong” and posted it on the Internet.  She complained about men “turning out” to be married or alcoholics.

She is doing the same thing wrong my cousin is doing. Her “I’m-so-complicated-and-challenging-good-luck-dating-me” attitude is turning off the great guys, and only egomaniacs or the married are going to make a play for her.

Her other problem is that she doesn’t have a clue about men to recognize whether one is decent or not, then she blames men for her bad experiences with them.

Let’s look at my first statement about men again:

A man is attracted to a woman who makes him feel desired,
makes him feel good about himself as a man. 

The last part of this statement has to do with men being attracted to feminine women. Hetero males don’t want to be “challenged” by a woman’s “strong” personality. Men don’t want to compete with you. Men want to protect and care for you. They want soft, nurturing women. This feminine softness makes a man feel, in contrast, strong and masculine.

Think about it this way:  men are not attracted to butch lesbians.

This is not the type of woman a hetero man is attracted to

Feminist Maureen Dowd is author of  the book “Are Men Necessary?” and the phrase, “As a species is it possible that men are ever so last century?”

She is not married.

Dowd believes this is because men find her intelligence, success, and her wit too daunting. They’re just intimidated by her, that’s what she thinks.

That’s not the reason she’s single.

The reason is because men don’t want to be castrated. Men don’t like ball-busting, man-haters who loudly boast they don’t need a man. There is no normal heterosexual man on earth who wants a woman with that attitude.

The next time you go to write an online profile or put some wish-list for your future man on the Internet, stop and think about what men are attracted to.

Stop yourself from writing the demanding “I want this and I want that, and I won’t settle for anything less!!” list. Instead, write about what you bring to the table, what  you offer a man that he would want.  

Hint:  he doesn’t want a stubborn, controlling, dominating, strong, tough broad with a hard-to-figure-out personality that rivals Rubik’s cube.


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30 Responses »

  1. I’m a woman. I’m straight. I’m not feminine, or nurturing, or compassionate, or any of these other “female” traits. I’m me, and I’m not willing to change my entire personality and identity for a hetero male, if “all” hetero males in the entire world really are the way you say they are. By your logic, I’m destined to be single my entire life simply because I ended up being INTJ and am not interested in being a stepford wife. I suppose this also means that any straight males out there who have very feminine traits are destined to be single because all women in the world want strong, manly men who will protect them. Humanity is such a tragic existence.

    • I’m writing in general terms, of course. That should go without saying. There are going to exceptions to EVERYTHING. For instance, some women like wimpy men they can boss around. But most women like the “bad boys” because they are “manly.” It’s called biology.

      You didn’t mention how many men are hot for your “not feminine” and “not nurturing” personality. Are dozens of men lining up outside your door for opportunity to spend time with you? I’m guessing not.

  2. This is one abso-fucking-tastic blog. I came to the conclusion that most women were like your cousin you had described , as , unfortunately , most actually are sneering superior bitches that view men as vermin. It is NOT entirely the fault of women ,girls from a young age are brainwashed by the “media” to view men as stupid , sex crazed , worthless , expendable vermin , it is the Rothschild led Cartel playing ” Divide & Rule ” , they want a messed up , downtrodden easily controlled populace. Hence the man hating feminazi’s were always well funded & given maximum exposure. Thank you for being one of the very few women willing to see a man’s point of view

    • Thanks. I’m trying to help women have decent relationships one cat lady at a time.

      • You speak the whole truth , women really need to heed your advice , you actually DO pretty much understand men ( another fine lady that does is flame haired Aussie , Renee Wade / The Feminine Woman ) Most men feel like women view us as ” The Enemy ” . Ladies reading , take Carolina’s advice , EVERYONE needs to work on themselves , we all need to EARN & DESERVE what we really want…regardless of gender , race , age, etc !!

  3. You make some valid points up there, Carolina. Well done! 🙂

    Subhan Zein

  4. Carolina… you knocked this one out of the park. Bravo!

    Incidentally, i’ve started a Profile Hall of Shame on my end where i immortalize the worst of the worst.

    Perhaps i should email these girls with hideous profiles this post’s URLas a starting conversational point? If they heard it from me, their nature would immediately put them into attack mode as their hamsters go into hyperdrive. Perhaps seeing it from a woman will make them introspect?

  5. I used to go to a strip club regularly about 5 years ago. I would watch the younger, inexperienced strippers congregate around the wog boys with gold chains and caps on backwards. Those strippers didn’t last long at the job.

  6. I think your more poignant statement in this entire post is “Men don’t want to compete with you.” This is the perfect truth. Men and women aren’t opposites, they’re complimentary. A sound relationship isn’t built on competition, it’s built on teamwork and cooperation.

  7. HEY!!!!!! something looks familiar…..

  8. This’ exactly why I don’t date nor try seduce strippers;they’re absolutely not genuine with their gestures.

    However,the average Jane can learn a lot from those hired-guns(strippers & bartenders).

    • Strippers aren’t genuine. They are getting paid to act friendly. I had one guy ask me, “Do strippers ever like us for who we are?” I laughed. I couldn’t believe he was asking such a stupid question.

      • Yeah, a fairly serious “put yourself in the other person’s shoes” fail.

        And the reverse applies, too. I always thought I wasn’t one of “those guys”, I was a regular, I like the girls. Until a stripper I saw regularly started telling me, one evening, that her fridge at home was broken. In a moment of insight, one that illuminated the whole scene for me, I realised “I am completely not interested in hearing this.”

        Seems I was one of “those guys” all along.

  9. I’d always enjoyed reading Maureen Dowd’s columns whenever they appeared in the papers until I came across her book. After that, she lost a lot of respect for having the nerve to ask “Are men necessary?” it seems as though a woman can give her book a sexist title and get by, but what about a man doing the same thing? It’s not her writing skills that are keeping her single. It’s not her wit either. It’s the attitude. I for one don’t want to be with someone who questions why my sex exists.

  10. Love this!! So true on every level. There are a certain few girls I know who are yes conventionally pretty, and yes have a great body (heavy on the make up and push up bras if im brutally honest) who tweet and post about how the world is full of dicks that are “all the same” rah rah rah! Your words in this post are the truth honey! Men aren’t attracted to that shit! I feel like screaming “Stop going round like the world owes you a favour” at them. Act like a lady, not a prize catch, meet the men who are worth hanging onto! This blog has me hook line and sinker!! 😀

  11. Yuck, Stefanie has bad posture too. Some of these women need charm school.

  12. Intro to Hetero Males 101 series

    Shit. Some of the women you’ve written about got here on the short bus. They need remedial work.

  13. A better post than the last, and accurate.


  1. Your Ridiculously Bad Online Profile Will Ensure You Stay Single Forever | Staked in the Heart

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