A Politically Incorrect Zone

Three Hot Chicks on Porn Review XXX “Peeping Tom”

The Three Hot Chicks on Porn review  the 1940s vintage XXX sex film “Peeping Tom.” The nine minute film is black and white and has no sound. It is set to Looney Tunes sounding music.

The Three Hot Chicks are:

Carolina of Staked in the Heart

La La of Tales of a Charm City Chick

Maggie

The action begins with a woman flouncing unceremoniously on a bed in an ugly room and taking off  layers of clothes.

La La: “Nothing good ever begins in a dirty motel room.” 

Maggie: “I’m waiting for four old white men to show up and start singing Sweet Adeline.”

After undressing, the woman picks up a book and starts reading. She lays back on linens that look like they haven’t been washed since the motel opened.

La La: “She’s wearing granny panties and the bra I wore in the 6th grade.” 

Carolina:  “Those panties are so big they could double as a fire blanket.”

With the book still up to her face, she starts rubbing herself through her panties.

Carolina: “She’s getting so horny reading a book on fashion that she just has to masturbate. Fashion: it’s what gets women hot.”

 After a few seconds she puts the book down and reaches behind the pillow for a black dildo.

La La: “Oh, look what I found behind this pillow, a black dildo. I will put it in my mouth. Yeees, this pleases me in absolutely no way at all whatsoever.”

Carolina: “Now that’s the kind of first-rate service you should expect from a five star motel: complimentary dildo along with your Gideon Bible and cockroaches.”

Maggie: “We had a black dildo in college that got hidden. You would be reading in a chair when suddenly it would appear next to you.”

And then just as the woman goes for it with the sex toy, the camera cuts away to a creeper poking his head out through the curtains.

Maggie: “The last time I saw a head like that was in a Scooby Doo cartoon. ”

This is just plain creepy right here

Carolina: “He’s IN the room!! Peeping Toms aren’t supposed to be in the room. They should be outside in the bushes jerking off so they can dash to their house next door when they are spotted.”

The woman is surprised as the Peeper steps out from the half curtains, but you wonder how she didn’t notice his obvious legs sticking out from under them.

She instinctively yanks the sex toy out of her snatch and throws it at him. (We ladies are always taught in self-defense class that dildos double as weapons; it’s good to see her fast dildo reflex action here.)

“I believe this is yours”

Being a gentleman, he naturally picks a dildo up for a lady. He tries to hand it to her like he’s formally introducing himself, “Excuse me, miss, you appear to have dropped something.”

But she refuses to take it, waving her hand at it as she says, “What’s that? That’s not mine. I’ve never seen that before in my life!”

He persists, pushing it back at her saying, “I’m pretty sure I saw you drop it. Look? Isn’t this your pussy juice all over it?”

Carolina: “Pick-up artists take note:  when you’re a pervy creep caught in a strange woman’s motel room, this is a great example of light banter.”

The woman refuses to take the dildo he’s offering. He pushes it at her again. Reluctantly, she takes it.

Then without warning, he bum rushes the bed and gets all forceful with her. He pushes her down on the pillow while she struggles.

La La: “Wait, are they wrestling? It got a little rapey there for a moment.”

Maggie:  “Is this “let’s play rapist”?”

Then, overcome by desire from their little wrestling session, she embraces and kisses him.

Carolina: “This must have been a male fantasy in the 40s. You would sneak in a  woman’s motel room, stick a lampshade over your head to hide, then push yourself on her until she melts into your arms. This must be legitimate rape.”

Overcome by desire after their struggle, the woman hurriedly yanks his pants and saggy tighty-whiteys off. He’s in such a rush he doesn’t bother to completely undress. They throw themselves on the bed. She yanks on his dick awkwardly while moving her hips in a constant circular motion. Then they press their closed mouths together.

La La: “Pleased to see dicks looked the same in the 40s.”

Carolina: “I was hoping maybe dicks were evolving.”

Maggie:  “At least their bodies are real and human and un-enhanced, plus he has a big dick.”

Carolina: “Good to see another thing hasn’t changed: a woman using an Evasive Blow Job Maneuver.”

He pounds away at her sideways. Then missionary style. They cover all the basic vanilla positions, nothing very interesting.

La La: “Nothing hotter than a guy fucking in socks.”

Maggie: “What about a guy fucking in black socks?”

Carolina: “He’s so grim and determined, it’s like he’s churning butter.”

La La: “They do it for 2 seconds in each position. Yawn.”

Carolina:  “No one is having an orgasm. They must be married in real life.”

He gets off her and when she tries to grab his dick, he forcefully pushes her away three times.

This is how they end things, like they’re both miserable

La La: “Girl can’t seem to take a hint.”

Carolina: “This has to be the only time in human history a man has refused a hand job.”

La La: “Why did he even bother coming into the room if he wasn’t going to finish the job? What a waste of dildo time!”

Maggie: “Sadly neither one of them seemed to be enjoying themselves – it looked like they were just going through sexual calisthenics: …and masturbate! Insert finger! Blow job, throw a leg over and now reverse it!”

Carolina: “This is 1940s sex? It’s a miracle any of us are here.”

Three Hot Chicks on Porn Rating:  Out of a possible 5 Erect Penises, five being the hottest action possible, this film rates a 1 Limp Dick. Only watch because it’s vintage.

See The Three Hot Chicks hilarious first review of “Another Night in Chyna:” here.

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