Why Women Would Rather Be With Tommy Lee Than You

It isn’t just that he’s a rocker and famous, Tommy Lee would
probably get all the babes without those things. But how?

‘Cause he’s not a dork.

(Not that you, dear reader, are a dork. This advice is for the other readers.)

Tommy Lee is a bad boy. He’s not a “nice guy”. Oh sure, he may be nice, but he’s not the nice guy type that women auto dump into the dreaded Friend Zone.

Women like bad boys. It’s not because bad boys treat them badly. It’s because they are confident. They aren’t socially awkward. They aren’t twitching nervously as they clutch their toy light saber to their bosom. They’ve got game. They know how to act with a woman, how to talk to her.

Women don’t go for “nice guys” because they tend to be insecure, come across as needy, and are socially awkward. This social awkwardness causes nice guys to say, and do things that are a real turn off.

Case in point: this nice guy couldn’t be screaming any louder:  “I’M NOT SURE I KNOW WHAT A VAGINA IS, LET ALONE WHERE ONE WOULD BE LOCATED.” (Now if it’s Halloween, we’ll give him a pass, but it probably isn’t. It’s what he’s wearing to the next Star Wars Dork Convention.)

Now let’s do a comparison, shall we? Contrast these next two photos:

Tommy Lee on a Harley–HOT

You on a Segway–NOT

Are you seeing what I mean?

Not being perceived as a “nice guy” means feeling secure about yourself, and behaving in a more adult, socially appropriate manner. It’s not that you can’t be a kid at heart and play around, that’s actually sexy. It’s knowing the difference between playfully splashing her in the pool with water, and forcing her to look at all the stamps you’ve collected since you were nine.

In other words, if you want to be able to put your hands on a babe, you need to first take them off your X-men action figurines.

I have more advice on this subject, but I just got a Rott puppy so I will have to continue this later…..

NOTE:  This is tongue and cheek, satire, not really serious.

I have no interest in Tommy Lee.


His Hands Should Be Registered as Lethal Weapons

I went to a small printing company to get updated modeling cards, called zed cards.

I sat down at a clerk’s desk while he scanned my photos. It was taking a long time because was scanning them at 1000 dpi. I told him not to scan that high. He insisted, bragging, “I’m the best scanner in the city.”

While I’m a captive audience, he enthralls bores me with tales from his alleged ex-Navy SEAL days. I found it hard to believe this person with the breasts and buttocks of an avid Star Wars fan had ever been a lean, mean fighting machine.

He tells me he knows 268 ways to kill a man, and he’s trained to blow things up.

“I could kill you right now with this #2 pencil,” he boasts while nonchalantly leaning back in his chair.

Important Dating Tip Here:  Women want to feel safe around a strange man. We don’t want to hear you say words like “kill” and “explosives.”

Master Scanner put his elbows on the desk, pretended to look through an invisible camera and squinted. “We had to hold the camera steady like this for night recon.” He must have seen that  in some Steven Seagal movie.

Fast forward: I go to pick up my cards and they look terrible. He scanned the photos at such a high resolution it pulled out all the defects. The images were peppered in dots.

I demand they be redone. I leave him in a sweat trying to manually remove the thousands of  dots.

I come back later to get the cards and this time the photos on them look worse. Taking out all the dots had caused major distortion–and no one at the printing place noticed I suddenly developed a Lantern jaw.

Here this guy was supposed to be the best of best, an elite Navy Seal, a real life Rambo. He was a demolitions expert, possessing the stealth of a ninja. His hands were lethal weapons, yet he couldn’t scan and print a couple photos.