Some bloggers responded to my post “He Doesn’t Want to be Your Effing Friend!!” with statements about how you just need to trust your partner. Wrong.
We’re always told in order to have a healthy relationship you must trust your partner. It would be great to trust your partner—whether it’s a man or woman. The fact is, you shouldn’t. Trust makes a sucker out of you. Trust is something that should be rarely given.
You don’t need trust. You need smarts.
Trusting is foolish. Just ask all of Bernie Madoff’s investors who trusted him with their life savings.
Let’s review some examples of where trust caused an epic failure:
One of my friends trusted her hubby of 12 years when he said he was seeing another woman at her home to supposedly give her Mormon lessons. Oh, he was pounding those lessons into her. Nice and hard. My friend divorced him, and has been left to raise two kids alone.
What should she have done? Not blindly trusted him. Realize he’s a man. And for heaven’s sake, not allow him to go over to some woman’s home alone to give “lessons.”
Realize that if a woman throws herself at a man–even if he’s married–he’ll probably bang her. (Unless, of course, he doesn’t find her attractive.)
One of my friend’s husbands was helping a young widow. He told his wife he was doing gardening. His wife trusted him. Turns out he was mowing the widow’s lawn, just not the green one growing outside. They ended up divorcing over all the seeding her hubby did in the widow’s garden. Why did he ruin his marriage?
Men like strange.
Men have strong sex drives, and it’s in their DNA to have sex with multiple partners. It’s biology.
Does this mean you have to strap a GPS on your man’s c**ck to know where it is located at all times? No. (Although that’s not a bad idea, and make sure it has a moisture sensor. There could be an app for your phone called “Find His Dick”. )
You want to keep your man? Don’t be an idiot.Be aware. Run interference. Don’t let him spend too much time with another women—no matter who that woman is.
When Jennifer Aniston was married to Brad Pitt, he starred in Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Angelina Jolie—one of the sexiest, most beautiful
women predators on earth. Jen clearly didn’t run any interference on that movie set. She must have trusted Brad. What did that trust get her? A divorce. Angelia now has her man.
Arnold Schwarzenegger cheated on Maria with their maid, and got her pregnant. He didn’t even have any particular criteria for a sex partner. Just any vagina available at the time he felt the urge to unload. Instead of stupidly trusting him, Maria should have been paying attention.
Presidential wanna-be John Edwards got his mistress, Rielle pregnant. Then lied about it, claiming Rielle’s baby was fathered by his assistant, Andew. His wife, Elizabeth backed him up, totally trusting his lying ass.
The worst part isn’t an out-of-wedlock baby. It’s that millions of people trusted Edwards. They trusted he was a good family man. They lined up to vote for him for President.
Robin Williams divorced his first wife to marry his son’s nanny, after he got the nanny pregnant. (Maybe his wife should have raised her own kid.)
I could go on.
Are you seeing a pattern here? The root problem is this naive, stupid thing called trust. Instead of trusting, you need to be wary. You need to watch and verify.
I can hear it now, “But Carolina, my man would never, ever cheat on me. I just know he wouldn’t! We trust each other.”
“But, Carolina, I don’t want a relationship if I can’t completely trust my partner!”
Fine. Trust away. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when you catch him in bed with your best friend, that hot neighbor, a co-worker, some waitress from the diner he frequents, or one of his good female “friends.”