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Tom Cruise wants to eat you

Finding Mr. Right in the Zombie Apocalypse

October 8, 2015

Since the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us, we ladies must re-evaluate what to look for in a Mr. Right. You want to be partnered with the best man possible when zombies attack. According to a 2009 University of Ottawa analysis, an outbreak of even slow zombies like those staggering around in Night of the Living Dead … Read More ›


Does This Belt of Explosives Make Me Look Fat?

Al Qaeda has published a new terrorist magazine in English. What’s its name? This Week in Death to America? The Popular Jihadist? Kaboom? No, it’s called Palestine, as if it’s the ultimate insiders’ guide to Palestinian culture, recipes, travel and events, like California Living. Claiming it “focuses on the raw emotions of  the victim hood in the Muslim world,” the… Read More ›

Nana Gouvea Meme1

Showcase Your Modeling Talents During a Natural Disaster

Why let a good disaster go to waste? NY City resident Nana Gouvea took full advantage of Hurricane Sandy’s wreckage by sexily posing amidst downed trees, destroyed cars, and wrecked buildings. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking how could she do this when people have died in this hurricane; people have lost everything they… Read More ›


No Man Reached Up a Woman’s Skirt Searching for a Library Card

Since I started reading women’s online dating profiles, I  realize women are clueless about men. I’ve blogged about what men don’t want. This time I’m discussing what they do want. When you are trying to meet men through online dating, you need to sell yourself, not list your impossible-to-meet requirements. Think about it this way:… Read More ›


Living In The Zombie Apocalypse

The CDC wants you to be prepared for the upcoming zombie apocalypse, which is almost upon us. Their explanation for using zombies is to “spice up our general preparedness message.” (Because tornadoes and earthquakes aren’t sexy. Zombies are.)             Once the zombies have arrived in your area, what should you do? Forget… Read More ›

Steak Potato Chips

Lay’s Potato Chip Contest Produces Some Truly Gag Inducing Flavors

Lay’s Potato chip has a contest running right now for a brand new flavor. The prize: $1,000,000. This has brought everyone out of the woodwork with their crazy, not-well-thought-out ideas. Along with the usual bacon-cheddar-guacamole-jalapeno-taco-pizza entries there were some that were way out there. Keep in mind these are supposed to be potato chip flavors…. Read More ›

Even this nice young man just wants to bone this nice young woman

He Doesn’t Want to be Your Effing Friend!!

Here’s the deal with the “friend” thing. Guys, no matter their age, don’t need or want friends who are females. They have their guy friends to hang out with, play sports, watch the game. And guys prefer their guy friends for most activities. It can happen, where you have a genuine male friend (with no… Read More ›

squashed face

Guys, Don’t be Such Dumbasses

So I’m minding my own business in my front yard picking up kids’ toys left behind. The kids in the neighborhood played in my yard because it was the only patch of real grass for blocks. I’m holding a black plastic broken toy in my hand–when out of nowhere–this strange guy I’ve never laid eyes on before strides up… Read More ›


Men are the New Women

Once the whole metrosexual thing started we’ve all been on a slippery slope. Men are starting to become women. Used to be we could easily tell the men from the women. See? You can totally tell this is a man. He’s hairy and he has guns.* Men used to leave their manjunk alone, and au natural….now they’re waxed,… Read More ›

Man Using Cell Phone

Face it! He’s Giving Off Clues He’s Not That Into You

A few years ago, Greg Behrendt wrote a brilliant book called “He’s Just Not That Into You” to help women figure out what was going on with men. The concepts still apply, but need updating. He’s not that into you if: 1.   He doesn’t call/text or email –  Yeah, there’s nothing going on between the two of you… Read More ›