I don’t understand why women are putting their requirements for a man on the Internet. Shouldn’t this be a private, secret list you tuck away in your lingerie drawer?
What men do they think are reading these requirements? Do they actually think amazing guys are surfing the web, reading the demands, becoming entranced, and then are going to be racing to contact them immediately?
Our latest future Crazy Cat Lady is a girl named Stefanie. She’s 20-something, attractive. She shouldn’t have any problem finding a decent guy….except now she has put this “A Single Girl’s Open Letter to All Future Mr. Wrongs” out there.
“Hey Future Date,
First of all, I’d like to say good luck. Dating me is no easy feat. In fact, a former beau once compared my complexity to a Rubik’s cube, so you’re in for a real treat. But this isn’t about me, it’s about you. And since this is just round one, let’s start off with a few basic ground rules …”
Stefanie, you’re not off to a good start. Saying things like “good luck….dating me is no easy feat” makes you sound like a real gem, and by that I mean, demanding diva.
Men like challenges when it comes to
winning a woman over bedding a woman, but no man wants to take on the arduous task of figuring a woman out. This isn’t what’s going through a man’s mind when he reads your letter: “By God, I’m gonna take that challenge. I’m going to be the one to solve the frustrating puzzle that is her complicated personality!”
And no man on earth wants to try to spend time figuring out which one of the 1000s of your possible complex moods you might be in at any given time. You sound exhausting.
“Please don’t be married…. if you can’t fight the uncontrollable urge to lie about your marital status, you should probably Google your own name to make sure your wedding registry isn’t the first thing that pops up….It’s just not a good look for you. Or your marriage. Or men in general. God, I hate dating.”
Stefanie, why are you having so much trouble with men “turning out” to be married? There are plenty of single men your own age out there to date.
Btw, adding that you “hate dating” isn’t going to make men rush to ask you out, either.
“Now I know you’re a fan of the booze — and sometimes vodka tends to get the best of you. But when this happens, please don’t bark at strangers on the street. Sometimes even vodka can’t excuse you for getting on all fours in the middle of Manhattan……”
Men who can’t handle their liquor are only something a barfly would want, but most men would not get on all fours in a street and bark. Where are you meeting men who would do something like that? Are you trolling Al Anon meetings?
“Since you’ve successfully scored my number, I’m assuming we’ll be texting a bit before we decide to meet up again. Texting is a great way to keep in touch, we can totally do that. But please don’t accidentally send me a video of a random girl doing a striptease in your hotel room. Thanks for the gesture, but I’m totally good without it…”
I’m with you on this one, Stef, but you are clearly making bad choices when you finally deem a man worthy of scoring your sacred number. Apparently, you are handing out your number to married, raging alcoholic a**holes.
You would have better luck if you just posted your phone number in any ole men’s room with this message, “For a good time call Stefanie.”
“While I appreciate your enthusiasm, please don’t get ahead of yourself. We are not instantly married. Relationships take time to develop. Refrain from uttering brilliant one-liners like “we could have our last first kiss.” ….Too much too soon is creepy. It’s overkill. And honestly, it makes me feel like I’m smothered in a corner. Nobody puts baby in the corner.”
Are you really getting that many marriage proposals? If that’s the case, you need to write a book on how to get men to commit. Other women would like to know your secrets.
“Aaaaaaand that about sums it up. Now, if by any means you think any of my requests are out of line, please feel free to turn the other way and never speak to me again. Otherwise, we should be in good shape. So tell me about yourself, do you frequently do yard work with your shirt off?
Love Always, Stefanie”
I wonder how well she would take it if a man were to ask her how often she vacuums topless. Something tells me she would complain about him being a sexist pig.
Unless she gets an attitude adjustment, and learns to make better choices, this is Stefanie’s bright manless future:
Read the original Crazy Cat Lady blog here.