“Insatiable Genius” is a Four ScoopFree Cat Litter Box Winner

This is what being mensa prepared looks like

I read women’s online dating profiles to see how bad they are. Most of them are so awful I don’t see how they manage to get a single date.

This 38 year old woman calls herself “Insatiable Genius”.

Right away she alerts any potential dates that they are stupider than she is.

This is how Insatiable describes herself:

“Interested in politics, and conservation. Love red wine and despite my conservation efforts am a consumer junkie…i have a product addiction problem. Current affairs are extremly important to me; from pop culture to what is served on the family table in Tanzania.”
Does “product addiction” problem mean she’s a shopaholic with massive amounts of useless junk in her home and a huge debt that she will no doubt want her new man (you) to pay off?
“I am mensa prepared, politically minded, and wry.”
I don’t know what “mensa prepared” means. Does it mean she’s ready to take one of those quizzes should the mensa people push one on her while she’s at the mall feeding her shopping addiction?
“My 5-10 year goal is to join the foreign service or something similar and I seriously want to finish school….I’m so close.”
Just what every man is looking for, a woman who wants to join the Foreign Service. He can follow her around to shit holes like Libya and the Sudan, and find himself getting shot.
“I’m really good at communication, cooking, dancing and research.”

This isn’t most dudes

Is there a hetero woman alive for whom communication is a problem? At least she can cook. This is a plus. Dancing not so much. Most hetero guys aren’t interested in dancing. Also, men are not on OKCupid looking for someone to do research with.

“You should message me if you really realize i’ll never even REALLY match you. probably not even close. there’s always something. also, if you don’t mind temporary celibacy.”
She’s taking a pre-emptive strike here by Friendzoning everyone across the board. Just what every red blooded, healthy male is looking for:  celibacy. Yeah, men are on OKCupid in an attempt to not get laid.

For being such a genius, Insatiable certainly doesn’t know anything about men. Maybe she should do more “research” in this area.

This is another example of a woman not having a clue how to attract a man. She definitely is a Four ScoopFree Cat Litter Box winner.If you’re new to Staked in the Heart, go here to see what that means.

To see the original ScoopFree Crazy Cat Lady post go here.

ScoopFree, For All Your ManFree Homes”

And We Have a Four ScoopFree Cat Litter Box Winner Here!

This week, my ScoopFree Cat Litter Box review is of a blog post. In case you’re new to this, each week I review a truly awful online dating profile or a Man Wish List. I then award it with the number of ScoopFree Litter boxes from 1-5 that the potential Crazy Cat Lady will be needing in her ManFree future.

She decided that after flocks of men on OKCupid overwhelmed her with their desire for her “boobies” she would try a different approach.

I’m not sure how many of you are aware but ……is single again and on the prowl.

I’m taking applications.

Now Hiring at …… Incorporated!

Position to be filled: Boyfriend

Position vacated: August 13, 2012


Day job (not as boyfriend, husband or gigolo)

Car (2009 or newer)

House (no roommates, kids don’t count)

Children OK but no psycho ex-wives

Adventure seeking, vodka drinking, affable and outgoing

Handsome (in my opinion)

Brains (mmmm, yummy, brains)

A sense of humor (if you can’t laugh at life, I have no use for you)

Please submit resume along with a photo and drink invitation (you are buying, buddy), to apply for a face to face interview. VEGANS NEED NOT APPLY! Anyone under the age of 33, I do not need to hear how age is just a number and you are so mature and don’t get along with women your age. I know damn well why you are cougar hunting and I just have to say, if I’m the cougar, I get to choose my prey.

Review:  This is a single woman with kids.

Now she may be joking with this whole application thing, but it doesn’t come across like that when she insists the applicant has to buy her drinks while she mulls over during their “interview” whether he’s good enough for the “job.”

This application is not romantic or enticing. She says she doesn’t want a gigolo, but what does she think she’s asking for with an application for the position of boyfriend?

Any man who would respond to this “application” is going to be suspect, a con artist, or some real creeper. 

Rating:  This deserves Four ScoopFree Cat Litter Boxes. The only reason she didn’t give a Five rating is because she can cook. There might be one decent man out there who would consider her because of that. Men love a woman who cooks.

To see the entire Litter Box rating system and read the first ScoopFree Cat Litter Box review go here.

No Man Reached Up a Woman’s Skirt Searching for a Library Card

There are a lot of ladies who would love to have this guy

Since I started reading women’s online dating profiles, I  realize women are clueless about men. I’ve blogged about what men don’t want. This time I’m discussing what they do want.

When you are trying to meet men through online dating, you need to sell yourself, not list your impossible-to-meet requirements. Think about it this way:  dating is a competition, and the competition is fierce for the great guys out thereIf you want one of them, you’re going to have to work at it.

If you have a bad dating profile or bad attitude, you will be weeding in losers, because decent guys will run the other direction.

There are also a couple women who would love to have this loser, because no matter how gross a man is, there is some woman who wants him
  • Men like women who want them. Men aren’t challenged by your icy demeanor. They don’t want to be Friendzoned. They want a woman who finds them desirable.

    I remember how one billionaire met his wife.  He was a nerd, never married, hadn’t made his fortune yet.  He found himself awkwardly standing around at a party, unsure of what to do next. Then he saw a woman sitting alone gazing out the window. He got up the courage to approach her, and nervously muttered, “Hi”. She turned to look at him, and with the most brilliant smile, she said enthusiastically, “Hi!’  That warm response won his heart. They have been married now for over twenty years.

  • Men are old-fashioned. Although there was a sexual revolution for women, men didn’t get the memo. Most men are not so liberal they want a woman who is promiscuous.  Men aren’t threatened by your sexual experience, they are disgusted by it. Yes, it’s a double standard.
  • Men want feminine, soft women. If they wanted strong, independent, competitive, challenging, argumentative, hard-headed, stubborn partners, they could just hang out with their guy friends.
  • Know how to take care of a man. This means know how to pamper a man, make him feel cared for, desired, comfortable, masculine, nurtured. This means he is your #1 priority.
  • Men want you to share your problems and girlie interests with someone else. Men don’t want to be your counselor. They don’t want to help you “heal,” or “balance” you.
  • Do your homework. Research what men want or don’t want. For instance, most men don’t care about a woman’s education. Mentioning your degrees on your profile does nothing for a man. As Joan Rivers put it, “No man reached up a woman’s skirt searching for a library card.” How do you do research men? Read some manosphere blogs. Read books by men about men.
He isn’t thinking how hot her thoughts are
  • Men are very visual. Physical appearance is important. You don’t have to be a supermodel, but you should keep yourself in shape and have a feminine hairstyle. Sexy clothing helps. Put it this way: men are not masturbating to images of your mind. Give him something to work with.
  • Men are sexual.
  • Men like their space. Once you have a man’s interest, don’t bombard him with cutsie text messages or phone calls. You don’t have to be his Siamese twin. Let him have time to miss you. A man falls in love with a woman in the space she’s not there.If you insist all this isn’t fair—that is sounds too 1950s—and you aren’t going to cater to any man—fine. Then don’t complain when you find yourself manless surrounded by half empty bags of cat litter.

*This is mostly meant for what not to say in an online dating profile, In other words, if you are strong and independent, don’t say that. Give a man a chance to get to know you before you turn him off.


To read the original “You’re Going to End Up A Crazy Cat Lady” post go here.

Your Crazy Cat Lady Online Dating Profile Deserves Five ScoopFree Cat Litter Boxes

Each week I am going to review a woman’s online dating profile for her potential to end up a Crazy Cat Lady. I will evaluate how desirable a man might find her to be, how likely a man is to want to get to know her based solely on what she wrote. What these women write speaks volumes about how much they know about men. And a woman who doesn’t know men is not going to attract a decent man or keep one. She will end up a Cat Lady.

No other factor will be considered, including her looks. Although looks are something men take into consideration.

I will award each profile the number of ScoopFree Cat Litter Boxes the woman will be needing in her Crazy Cat Lady house.

One ScoopFree – There are warning signs she does not know men, but she says things that a man might find desirable, like “I love to cook.” A decent man might respond to her. (Creeps will respond to any female profile.)

Two ScoopFrees – She shows definite signs of cluelessness about men, and writes things like, “I’m a princess,” or “I don’t need a man.” If she isn’t overweight and fairly attractive, decent men might respond.

ThreeScoopFrees – She is heading straight into a ManFree zone with her “all about me” profile. She has misused the opportunity to sell herself and instead has listed her dream requirements for a man. This woman has serious trouble finding a man and/or keeping a man.

FourScoopFrees – Her profile is so bad she is going to end up manless unless an intervention is done with a dating coach, a psychologist, and she studies a lot of relationship books about what men like.

FiveScoopFrees – A foregone conclusion of her entry into The Crazy Cat Lady Club. At this high a level, she could be a supermodel and men aren’t going to want to have anything to do with her.

Let’s begin with this lady’s online dating profile. I call her “The Queen.”

“I could write some lame profile saying everything the typical male wants to hear. Or I could be honest and say…. I am a female; which means I am as close to absolute perfection as you can get. With that being said, I expect more than most people settle for. I DO expect to be treated like the Queen I was in my previous life and consider myself to be now.

I have a twisted, sarcastic sense of humor that is not appreciated or even understood by most. If you get my sense of humor, you might be someone I would be interested in. I have a Top Ten list of traits I look for, and a sense of humor is one of them; now you just have to knock out the other nine!! That list is available upon request.

You need to actually put some effort into keeping me entertained. I don’t find hiking ten miles to be entertaining, unless of course you’re going to fall on your butt and roll backwards down a hill. Otherwise, I would consider this to be some demented form of torture. I am not a survivalist or a sports star. I am a woman in the most feminine sense of the word. I do not like insects or any other type of slimy creature. I can be overly emotional given the right atmosphere. So choose your activities wisely.

I have been told I am a “self involved” person; it’s not my fault the world revolves around me.

In all seriousness I am generally considered to be easy going and easy to talk to; and those who know me understand my sense of humor, style and overall attitude.

I have a son that is legally considered to be an “adult”. However there are moments that I definitely have my doubts. This leaves me the freedom to come and go as I please, as long as work permits. I am content going out and letting loose, staying home watching a movie or reading a book. It just depends on the company, the movie and the book.

Please DO NOT respond if you fall into any of the following categories……

Dishonesty/Faithful…. there go 90% of all men
Physical (lack of: grooming, style etc.)…… another 5% eliminated
Irresponsibility…. another 3% gone
Over sensitive (clingy)…. another 1% shot down.

That leaves 1% of men that might fill my expectations for my Top Ten list.”

Review:  She thinks she’s the reincarnation of a Queen and that the world revolves around her. (Why is it a woman in a previous life was never a lowly serving wench?) In-between bowing and scraping, a man must keep her entertained like a court jester.

She makes it be known that she has Top Ten List of traits her man must possess and then thinks there’s a man out there who is going to request to see it. A man is going to stumble across her profile, read what a demanding diva she is—how he needs to keep Her Majesty entertained while keeping bugs at bay—yet, he’s going to request her list of requirements to see if he is lucky enough to qualify.  She is as delusional as she is egomaniacal.

A man reading her profile is going to think one thing:  “Psycho!”

Rating:  Five ScoopFree Cat Litter Boxes. These boxes are going to be working overtime to keep up with her growing cat collection.

“ScoopFree:  For all Your ManFree Homes”

Read the original Crazy Cat Lady post here.

And We Have Another Future Crazy Cat Lady…

I don’t understand why women are putting their requirements for a man on the Internet. Shouldn’t this be a private, secret list you tuck away in your lingerie drawer?

What men do they think are reading these requirements? Do they actually think amazing guys are surfing the web, reading the demands, becoming entranced, and then are going to be racing to contact them immediately?

Our latest future Crazy Cat Lady is a girl named Stefanie. She’s 20-something, attractive. She shouldn’t have any problem finding a decent guy….except now she has put this “A Single Girl’s Open Letter to All Future Mr. Wrongs” out there.

“Hey Future Date,

First of all, I’d like to say good luck. Dating me is no easy feat. In fact, a former beau once compared my complexity to a Rubik’s cube, so you’re in for a real treat. But this isn’t about me, it’s about you. And since this is just round one, let’s start off with a few basic ground rules …”

Stefanie, you’re not off to a good start. Saying things like “good luck….dating me is no easy feat” makes you sound like a real gem, and by that I mean, demanding diva.

Men like challenges when it comes to winning a woman over bedding a woman, but no man wants to take on the arduous task of figuring a woman out. This isn’t what’s going through a man’s mind when he reads your letter: “By God, I’m gonna take that challenge. I’m going to be the one to solve the frustrating puzzle that is her complicated personality!”

And no man on earth wants to try to spend time figuring out which one of the 1000s of your possible complex moods you might be in at any given time. You sound exhausting.

“Please don’t be married…. if you can’t fight the uncontrollable urge to lie about your marital status, you should probably Google your own name to make sure your wedding registry isn’t the first thing that pops up….It’s just not a good look for you. Or your marriage. Or men in general. God, I hate dating.”

Stefanie, why are you having so much trouble with men “turning out” to be married? There are plenty of single men your own age out there to date.

Btw, adding that you “hate dating” isn’t going to make men rush to ask you out, either.

“Now I know you’re a fan of the booze — and sometimes vodka tends to get the best of you. But when this happens, please don’t bark at strangers on the street. Sometimes even vodka can’t excuse you for getting on all fours in the middle of Manhattan……”

Men who can’t handle their liquor are only something a barfly would want, but most men would not get on all fours in a street and bark. Where are you meeting men who would do something like that? Are you trolling Al Anon meetings?

“Since you’ve successfully scored my number, I’m assuming we’ll be texting a  bit before we decide to meet up again. Texting is a great way to keep in touch, we can totally do that. But please don’t accidentally send me a video of a random girl doing a striptease in your hotel room. Thanks for the gesture, but I’m totally good without it…”

I’m with you on this one, Stef, but you are clearly making bad choices when you finally deem a man worthy of scoring your sacred number. Apparently, you are handing out your number to married, raging alcoholic a**holes.

You would have better luck if you just posted your phone number in any ole men’s room with this message, “For a good time call Stefanie.”

“While I appreciate your enthusiasm, please don’t get ahead of yourself. We are not instantly married. Relationships take time to develop. Refrain from uttering brilliant one-liners like “we could have our last first kiss.” ….Too much too soon is creepy. It’s overkill. And honestly, it makes me feel like I’m smothered in a corner. Nobody puts baby in the corner.”

Are you really getting that many marriage proposals? If that’s the case, you need to write a book on how to get men to commit. Other women would like to know your secrets.

“Aaaaaaand that about sums it up. Now, if by any means you think any of my requests are out of line, please feel free to turn the other way and never speak to me again. Otherwise, we should be in good shape. So tell me about yourself, do you frequently do yard work with your shirt off?

Love Always, Stefanie”

I wonder how well she would take it if a man were to ask her how often she vacuums topless. Something tells me she would complain about him being a sexist pig.

Unless she gets an attitude adjustment, and learns to make better choices, this is Stefanie’s bright manless future:

Read the original Crazy Cat Lady blog here.

If You’re Over 45—And Want A Man—You’re Going to Have to do Certain Things, Whether You Like it Or Not

The recent “Crazy Cat Lady” blogger got me thinking. (She’s the one who wrote the insanely ridiculous “non-negotiable list” for her next man. My post on that is here.) I guess women have no idea what the reality is for a woman over 45 years old in the dating world. It’s time for a reality check.

Women who are over  45 years old are not a hot commodity.

Men can have any age woman they want—especially successful ones—and they prefer 20-somethings. Rather than have a list of requirements for him, an older woman is going to have to be the accommodating one. Yes, I know that’s not fair.

This means that as an older woman, you’re going to have to work hard to attract a man.  

Let’s start with the basics:

1)   Get real – Accept that the competition is younger, funner and more sexually vibrant than you are, and you need to go the extra mile to make up for this

This is your competition right here

2)   Weight – Lose it. Men are not attracted to women who look like they could be linebackers for the Miami Dolpins

3)    Hair – Style it. Don’t just chop it off in some non-style and let it air dry. Get a  style. Also men like flowing, longer hair. Get hair extensions. Color your greys

4)   Dress – Be sexy. Work what assets you have. Wear high heels, show some cleavage, show some leg. If you can’t wear high heels, just don’t wear comfy shoes a 90 yr old would. Don’t wear sweat pants unless you got them from Victoria’s Secret. Buy sexy lingerie.

5)   Baggage – Lose it. Men don’t want to hear about how badly your exes treated you, and how you’re going to have a hard time trusting again

6)   Sex – Learn to like it because men love it. They are with us for sex. If your man likes to watch porn, watch it with him instead of giving him grief when you discover his stash of XXX DVDs under the bed

7)   Cook – Men love to eat homemade cooking. Learn to make delicious cakes, icing, cookies, and all kinds of yummy dishes. Most men are not vegans; they don’t want to eat tofu burgers. They want Angus.

8)    Be quiet – One of the main complaints men have about women is that we yammer too much. Let him get a word in edgewise

9)    Men are visual – Put effort into your physical appearance. Work out. Get Botox, fillers, facials and anti-cellulite treatments. Take advantage of the high tech anti-aging stuff out there. Here’s a great book that advises about the latest beauty stuff out there and cheaper alternatives to plastic surgery

10)   Always remember that women need men more than they need us

Now you can dig your heels in and declare that you aren’t going to do any of these things. You are going to be who you are—by God—and a man can just accept you.

That’s fine.

This is what a man free house and yard looks like

Prepare to die a lonely, bitter old woman, surrounded by hair balls with your house falling apart around you.

See my blog that started this discussion here.

See the hilarious male equivalent of the Crazy Cat Lady list here. 

My Open Letter to the “Crazy Cat Lady” Blogger

I recently wrote a post called “You are Going To End Up a Crazy Cat Lady!” in response to a ridiculous  list of requirements a woman blogger had for her next man.

Absent from Stormlover’s “non-negotiable” list was the most important thing:  that he be attracted to her.

Stormlover commented that lots of people made fun of her insane list, but I was the harshest. That ticked me off. I wasn’t being harsh.

Now I’m going to be harsh.



Dear Stormlover:

There isn’t a huge demand in the dating world for 45+ menopausal women. Men aren’t lining up waiting for a chance to date aging, dried-up, bitter women who have emotional baggage from all their previous bad marriages/boyfriends.

Your competition is giggling, firm-assed 18 year olds with zero baggage.

That means if you want a man at your age, you’re going to have to work at it. You, not him.

Here’s what you should put on your blog if you want to attract men. Otherwise, start stocking up on the catnip.

This is catnip

“Hi, my name is Storm. I am looking for a man to share my life with, and I have a lot to offer. I know men; I know what you want. I know how to take care of a man.

1)   I love to cook. While you’re grilling the steaks, I’ll be battering the onion rings, and icing the homemade chocolate cake

2)   I love sex. I like to dress sexy to show off my lush curves, and want you to pick out my lingerie :)

3)   I don’t need your money. I can take care of myself financially

4)   I don’t nag

5)   I realize you need alone time, and I have plenty of things I can do without you

6)   I keep a clean, comfortable home filled with big, soft furniture that you can sink into and relax. I want you to feel pampered

7)   I don’t need you to solve all my life’s problems. I have friends and a therapist I can unload on if I need to

8)   I am very nurturing

9)   I listen as much as I talk

10) I enjoy life and love to laugh

I look forward to speaking with you.



Once Stormlover has men expressing an interest in her, she can then apply a couple of her non-negotiables. In other words, she must first find men who are attracted to her, and from that pool she can pick ones who might be a good match.

And Stormlover:  you’re welcome.

To all you readers out there who defended her list: Which one of the two lists has half a snowball’s chance in hell of resulting in her in actually getting a man, mine or hers?


See my original “You’re Going to End up A Crazy Cat Lady!” blog here.

See the hilarious male equivalent of the Crazy Cat Lady list here.

I’m a Dude and This is What I Want in a Perfect Bitch

Recently, Kanye West wrote a love song for Kim K called “Perfect Bitch” so I asked a male friend to come up with a list of qualities his ideal woman should possess. He used, as a base, the exact list from the female blogger I mocked in my “You’re Going to End Up a Crazy Cat Lady!” blog. I thought her list of requirements for a man was beyond ridiculous, but others thought it was “reasonable.”

Let’s see how her “non-negotiable list” sounds coming from a man. (Her original list is in bold face. What he wants in a woman is written after that.)


  1. Honesty/Integrity/Loyalty/Sincerity/Values/Priorities – I would prefer a virgin, but it’s okay as long as she hasn’t spread herself around too much. Sluts need not apply. (And I don’t like tramp stamps, ladies.) I am to be her priority, of course.
  2. Best Friend/Confidant – She needs to keep her big mouth shut and not blab everything to her girlfriends or the gay guy doing her her hair.
  3. Confident/Secure – I don’t want to have to give her compliments every five seconds or lie and tell her I don’t want to bang any other women.
  4. Self-awareness – A lizard has self-awareness, why is this on the list?
  5. Humility – She needs to know/accepts when she’s done or said something wrong and apologize
  6. Responsible/Dependable – She needs to accept responsibility and take care of things and not expect me to do everything because I’m the man.
  7. Chemistry/Passion/Intensity/Sexual Compatibility–  She needs to have a perfect body, Nice tits, nice ass. And be horny for me all the time. She needs to engage in lesbian sex while I watch. Also she needs to change her hair color often. I don’t always want to be boning a brunette.
  8. Respectful – She needs to know when to shut up when I am tired of hearing her little stories. She should quickly back out of the room when I give her “the look” that I’m bored with her.
  9. Non-procrastinator – She immediately needs to jump when I tell her I want something, whether it be to bring me a beer or get me another pillow. I don’t want her late for things, either. No excuses, like she had to do her hair.
  10. Must be good for me – This goes without saying.
  11. Enjoys snuggling/kissing/PDA – She needs to give head often and engage in threesomes. I also don’t want her embarrassing me in public with displays of PDA.
  12. Social/Work/Hobbies/Alone Time – I don’t want to spend time with her family. And she needs to accept I need alone time. Leave me alone so I can jerk off in peace.
  13. E.Q. – the ability to correctly assess the emotions and oneself and those with whom one interacts – She needs this in order to read my mind so she doesn’t get on my nerves by babbling about topics I’m not interested in, like fashion, her family or celebrity gossip.
  14. Conversation/Communication skills – She needs to stop trying to communicate so much. I want quiet, especially when the game is on. See #13
  15. Shares all household responsibilities – In addition to the household chores, she should change the oil in the car, be able to overhaul the engine, clean out  gutters, repair the roof, trim hedges, that sort of thing.
  16. Ambition/Dreams/Goals – She needs to do whatever she can to help me achieve my goals. I don’t care what hers are. I don’t want to deal with some woman’s pipe dream of being a “singer” some day.
  17. Non-abusive – That means no throwing vases and slamming doors when she’s angry.
  18. Vulnerable – I want her to be less vulnerable. I don’t want to have to deal with tears. Stop crying so much.
  19. Compassionate – Goes without saying
  20. Empathetic – See #13
  21. Willingness to grow – This is psycho babble. I don’t even know what this means.
  22. Boundaries – She needs to respect my boundaries, like when I want to go out with my guy friends without her.
  23. Work Ethic – She should work at a full-time job like I do.
  24. Enriching/Challenging/Nurturing – I don’t want her “challenging” me. I don’t need that from a woman. Nurturing goes without saying.
  25. Sense of humor – It’s okay for her to have sense of humor unless she brays like donkey. And no raunchy jokes or jokes about sex, unless we’re in private.
  26. Financial stability – Stop spending so much of my money, especially on shoes. I don’t give a rat’s ass about fancy shoes.
  27. And maybe even more….I would also like her to go to that Geisha school in Japan. No, I don’t want her wearing all that clown makeup or playing that stupid little instrument. I want her to learn how to please me.

Now, readers, how does this list sound coming from a man?

He sounds like a male chauvenist. Why is it those of you who found The Cat Lady list to be reasonable, think when a man demands the same things, he’s a pig?

Admit it, you think he’s a pig.

Because when you look at this list from a man’s point of view it is patently absurd. But, hey it’s her list.

To see the Crazy Cat Lady Blog go here.

You’re Going to End Up A Crazy Cat Lady!

I can smell the cat piss from across the Internet

I stumbled across a blog from a single middle-aged woman looking for love and was struck by the lengthy “non-negotiable list” of demands her next non-existent man was going to have to meet.

She explained that she had bad relationships in the past, and she wasn’t going to “settle” for anything less than everything she wanted.

She went into great detail explaining each category—as if men out there are eagerly reading each word— hoping they are The One who meets her stringent requirements. This is her edited list:

  1. Honesty/Integrity/Loyalty/Sincerity/Values/Priorities – No flirting with other women allowed
  2. Best Friend/Confidant
  3. Confident/Secure
  4. Self-awareness
  5. Humility – knows/accepts when he’s done or said something wrong and can apologize (no excuses, but rather reasons)
  6. Responsible/Dependable
  7. Chemistry/Passion/Intensity/Sexual Compatibility
  8. Respectful
  9. Non-procrastinator (terminal)
  10. Must be good to me and FOR me (as well as for my children…i.e. male figure, role model)
  11. Enjoys snuggling/kissing/PDA
  12. Social/Work/Hobbies/Alone Time
  13. E.Q. – the ability to correctly assess the emotions and oneself and those with whom one interacts
  14. Conversation/Communication skills
  15. Shares all household responsibilities (cooking/cleaning/bills etc)
  16. Ambition/Dreams/Goals
  17. Non-abusive
  18. Vulnerable
  19. Compassionate
  20. Empathetic
  21. Willingness to grow
  22. Boundaries
  23. Work Ethic
  24. Enriching/Challenging/Nurturing
  25. Sense of humor
  26. Financial stability
  27. And maybe even more….


Glaringly absent was any mention of what she was going to do for this vulnerable, sexy, motherly, affectionate, funny, humble, well-off, work horse of a man.

Several of her visitors actually encouraged her, commenting how she shouldn’t lower her high standards and that her list was “reasonable.” But not me.

I told her to GET REAL.

Any man reading her list is going to RUN.

Her list is not only wildly unrealistic, it’s insulting. This “lucky” man is to work his ass off (but hey, that’s what men are good for, right?) and when he comes home from work on time, he is to engage in appropriate conversation by first correctly assessing her emotions, make her laugh, cook dinner, clean up, help her kids by another man do their homework, and then cuddle with her.

Maybe some day robots will be able to do all this, but there isn’t a man alive who can. Men are human. That means they are flawed. They aren’t superhuman. But, most importantly, they aren’t here to serve women.

You ladies with lists will be needing a lot of these for your ManFree homes

And to all the women out there with lists of what you want in a man:  Throw them out!

Or you’re going to be needing a lot of cat litter boxes.

If you insist on hanging on to your lists, I recommend the ScoopFree.

To read the hilarious male equivalent of the list go here.