A Politically Incorrect Zone with No BS

“This Week in Death to America” Magazine

1409252701266_wps_15_A_new_English_language_AlAl Qaeda has published a new terrorist magazine in English. What’s its name? This Week in Death to America? The Popular Jihadist? Kaboom?

No, it’s called Palestine, as if it’s the ultimate insiders’ guide to Palestinian culture, recipes, travel and events, like California Living.

Claiming it “focuses on the raw emotions of  the victim hood in the Muslim world,” the new Islamic terrorist magazine urges lone wolf bombings of Vegas, Times Square, London shops and military targets. It features how-to articles on making car bombs and thoughtfully suggests terror targets. It calls upon Muslims around the world to follow Palestine’s bomb recipe to set off car bombs in crowded places.

One article is, “How to make a Bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom.” It details a DYI, illustrated guide on assembling a pressure-cooker bomb similar to the ones used in the Boston Marathon bombings. (Apparently, most Jihadists still live with mommy. Going around beheading people and blowing yourself up evidently isn’t a great paying career path. )

“My Muslim brother, before you start reading the instructions, remember that this type of operation if prepared well and an appropriate target is chosen and Allah decrees success for you, history will never forget it. It will be recorded as a crushing defeat on the enemies of Islam.”

One article brags that the Palestine car bomb recipe is far superior to other car bomb recipes in that theirs gives one the ability to make a bomb even in countries with tight security and surveillance. (Well, I guess the Palestine car bomb recipe isn’t needed for America.)

Palestine conveniently provides a list of supplies needed to make such a bomb, including cooking gas, oxygen gas, a barometer, decoration lamps, matches, and of course, mommy’s car.

[Note:  the above is taken from the actual magazine. Now I’m going to make fun of it.]

Jihadi Bachelor of the Month

Hunky Jihadi Bachelor of the Month

Palestine magazine features “Jihadist Bachelor of the Month” where the loyal Jihadistas can get to know a little bit more about the single, available mujahideens.

        Bachelor Data Sheet

Name: Abu Mansoor Al-Amriki*

Birth place:  United States

Ambition:  Kill the infidels

Turn-ons: A girl who knows her way around a bomb-making kitchen and girls who wear matching explosives belts and panties under their burqas

Turn-offs:  Women who still have their clitoris

Favorite Things to Do: Praising Allah, crazy ranting about America, reading goat porn and avoiding bathing

The Man I Most Look Up To:  The Prophet Mohammad (Blood Be Upon Him)

My Dream First Date: Dinner for two consisting of goats head soup followed by us running from drone strikes in the moonlight

afghan_women_burqa

Babes in Burqas

Palestine has also their exciting annual “Babes in Burqas” issue where readers use their imaginations to visualize what the women look like underneath their tents. Readers get to vote on which woman looks hotter based on the folds and the way the fabric drapes over her. The winner is then featured on the cover of the Palestine B ‘n B issue wearing her choice of burqa in either black or blue.

An upcoming special new section in future Palestine issues will be for the lady Islamic terrorists. “For Jihadistas Only” will have articles that address feminine issues such as how a bulky belt of explosives can add twenty pounds and “What does an orgasm feel like?”

Let’s take a look at some letters to the Editor of Palestine magazine, shall we?

Dear Editor,

While following your recipe to make a car bomb to kill American infidels, my car accidentally blew up and took out the side of my garage. Will my home owner’s insurance cover this?

Praise be to Allah!

 

Dear Editor,

I find it so annoying when I’m fruitlessly sawing and sawing at the neck of a non-believer. It takes forever to cut off their heads, and my arm tires! Do you have any suggestions for the best infidel beheading knife, something that will make it easier? Is there an As Seen On TV knife for this??

Signed,

Loyal Jihadist

 

Dear Editor,

When I’m posing with my decapitated heads for Twitter and Instagram pics, the heads never look “real” in the photos. What can I do to convince my Muslim brothers that my infidel heads were not bought at the Halloween store?

Yours,

Islamic Terrorist

 

*Al-Amriki is dead and decomposing. Even worse for him, he’s finished deflowering his 72nd virgin. Now what? He’s stuck with a bunch of demanding, nagging non-virgins. For eternity. Doesn’t seem like Allah thought that one through.

 

 

 

 

 

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Categorised in: Islam, Mocking ISIS, Mocking Terrorists, The Best of

8 Responses »

  1. Silly me. I thought your article was a put-on! I now have seen everything.

  2. So glad to you see post again. Love your stuff

  3. A whole lot of jihadi blah blah blah- as I was saying the other day, they pray facing East, but they paddle really hard facing North as thousands of them try to get into Europe every day…
    My suggestion is that anyone interested in ‘Palestine’ should go join ISIS, and stay there- and if they see a drone overhead, relax, it’s probably nothing 😀

  4. Do you have a link to the original article?

Feel Free to Let Me Have It!