There are so many players in the unfolding soap opera of the General Petraeus sex scandal that I decided to straighten them out. It’s confusing trying to keep track of who was sending what threatening and/or lurid email to whom.
It all started when General Petraeus had an affair with the biographer of his book All In: The Education of General Petraeus. The biographer/mistress was Paula Broadwell. They bonded over an interest in running and doing push-ups. She nicknamed him “Peaches.”
Recently, a local news station got mixed up and put the hilarious meme of the book All Up in My Snatch on the air by mistake. Here is that meme:
Anyway, Paula got jealous over a Petraeus family friend, socialite Jill Kelley and began to send her anonymous nasty emails warning her away from “her man.” She even accused Kelley of feeling “General Peaches” up under the table one night at a dinner.
Kelley got frightened by the harassing emails and reported them to the FBI. The FBI traced the emails to Paula Broadwell, and in the process discovered the sexually charged emails back and forth between the lovers, Petraeus and Broadwell. Petraeus resigned as CIA Director after their affair was made public.
Meanwhile, the FBI agent investigating the Broadwell-Petraeus-Kelley case became “obsessed” with Jill Kelley–decided he wanted to probe her some more—and sent shirtless photos of himself to her. The Shirtless FBI Agent was ordered to “stay the hell away” from the investigation, but couldn’t resist continuing to poke around in it. He is under investigation for his unprofessional behavior.
While the FBI investigated Jill Kelley’s email harassment case, they discovered she had tens of thousands of “flirtatious” emails back and forth to the married General John Allen.
So here is the Love Pentagon in a nutshell: General Petraus had an affair with Paula Broadwell, who wrote harrassing emails to Jill Kelley, who reported it to the Shirtless FBI Agent who became obsessed with her while discovering thousands of flirty emails she and General Allen wrote each other.
Got all that?
I’m sure we haven’t heard all the twists and turns of this story yet.