The CDC wants you to be prepared for the upcoming zombie apocalypse, which is almost upon us. Their explanation for using zombies is to “spice up our general preparedness message.” (Because tornadoes and earthquakes aren’t sexy. Zombies are.)
Once the zombies have arrived in your area, what should you do? Forget that useless CDC emergency kit you have for hurricanes or floods. You aren’t going to need clean bedding, hand towels or your frickin’ driver’s license when hungry zombies are chasing you.
You will need your Zombie Emergency Kit. This is it:
The CDC recommends you have a meeting place chosen so you can regroup with your family. They suggest the family mailbox. This will not work in a zombie attack. Zombies love it when family members are stupidly standing around waiting for each other. It’s a brain buffet.
Next, you need to head to your escape home. That $100K hand-crafted fancy pants iron gate in front of your mansion isn’t going to do squat to keep out the staggering zombies mindlessly pushing against it. You need to live somewhere the zombies can’t get.
This trailer-apartment complex is the type of place you need to live. Ever seen a zombie climbing stairs like these? Didn’t think so.
This next house is great for quick Zombie-get-a-ways.
This Porta-Potty is totally zombie safe.
Everyone knows zombies can’t swim. Here are more zombie safe locations:
You could hunker down in your own luxurious zombie proof bunker.
Wherever you end up living, things are going to change in the Zombie Apocalypse. We all have to make slight adjustments, even The Queen.
Read about how to find Mr. Right in a Zombie Apocalypse here.