controversial relationship advice

Something Women Have Needed For Centuries: Their Very Own Pens!

BIC has created a line of pens exclusively for women. I’ve been so tired of struggling my whole life to use those regular man pens with their massive barrels and  unmatched plug and ink colors.

Finally, I will be able to write things down!

They are called Cristal for Her, come in special girlie colors like Amber for Her and are “elegantly designed just for her!”  Here are their key features (these are real pens):

  • Tinted barrel (pink, purple, blue, green or orange) thinner for a better handling for women – You don’t have to write your feminist manifesto in hairy masculine colors like black and blue. *shudder* You can write in rainbow vagina colors as it should be
  • Quality ink, quick drying and smooth writing – For effortless drawing of unicorns and smiley faces. The pen practically dots each “i” with a heart by itself!
  • Tungsten carbide ball, perfect sphere and very resistant – All the better to stab him with
  • Packaged in a lovely shade of pink to please a woman’s taste - No more feeling “wrong” buying pens that were in gender neutral packaging
  • Attractive hexagonal shaped barrel for easier handling by women – BIC has realized our biological limitations and created a sparkly pen our delicate flower-arranging hands can hold without getting worn out
  • Light: designed and manufactured with just the right amount of raw materials – This lightness will help on those heavy flow days when you’re a bit peaked from anemia
  • PVC free product – This is very important to women, the first thing we do before we buy anything is make sure it is PVC free
  • Plug color matches ink color – Like drapes matching the carpet
  • Strong Enough for a Man, Yet PH Balanced for a Woman* – These pens are appropriately balanced for a woman’s gentle PH, unlike the man pens
Thanks to BIC, we women are no longer forced to write in a man’s world. Now we don’t have to suffer from pens envy.
*I admit I made up this one feature

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30 Responses »

  1. Thank you! When do we get our next assignment. I’m going to work really hard on this one, that’s what he said!

  2. Reblogged this on TheBrabbleRabble and commented:
    “Thanks to BIC, we women are no longer forced to write in a man’s world. Now we don’t have to suffer from pens envy.” LMAO, funny stuff from Carolina Courtland!!

  3. Agree with Nice Girl- the amazon reviews are the new “3 wolf moon shirt”.

  4. Well, send me all the gender neutral and man pens. Ya know, just to ensure you don’t fall back on old habits.

  5. FINALLY – I can “trade up” and put the “Mont Blanc” away… so trashy :P

  6. I’m sure they load the men’s pens with an extra helping of PVC.. you know.. to make it more manly.

    Because PVC is good for men haven’tcha heard?

    BIC for Her: PVC FREE
    BIC for Him: Now with 5X MORE PVC!!!

    LOL. Problem is, individualism is a target-able demographic and sadly, these pens will sell. Little girls will find the colors cute and yes, the fluorescent neon pink will make the hearts on top of the ‘i’s stand out.

    Capitalist consumer driven society. Create a market by selling people on an idea that they ‘need’ something. Christ.. Apples been doing this for years! If necessity is the mother of invention, this is the crack addled, welfare, 5 times divorced, feminist single mom version.

    • I like the way you added more PVC for the men’s pens, just the way men would like it. LOL

      I wonder if these pens do sell more to women. I bet if they stuck Swarovski crystals all over them they would sell like craaazy.

      • hehe. what can i say? men always want more, even if it’s not for their own good. i think the movie Supersize Me proved the allure of more in the face of putting shit inside of you.

        And i’ll bet you dollars to donuts, pens with crystals and shit on them WOULD sell like crazy to women.

        Anecdotal but probably provable. My exwife loved shiny things. And red things. I remember trying to tell her to buy a Lenovo laptop that cost 1/2 of the price of an HP laptop that had less features, but came in deep dark red trim. She ended up buying a Macbook Pro for the same cost as 3 Lenovo laptops, with identical hardware, cuz Mac’s just be all hip and shit.

        Little girls love sparkles and shine and swag. Some outgrow it, many do not.

  7. I am writing with a uni-ball ba dun tsssss. Take that BIC.

  8. Given your recent work, when I first read your title I thought it said “Their very own penis”. That would have gone in a whole different direction though.

  9. Dammit! I was going to make a tampon joke but you’ve already done it!!!

  10. When I first saw the commercials for these I thought, “FINALLY! A pen that I can use safely and comfortably, and matches my outfits!” I only hope they’re ergonomically designed so that I don’t break any nails when I use them!

  11. Light: designed and manufactured with just the right amount of raw materials – This lightness will help on those heavy flow days when you’re a bit peaked from anemia

    ^^Classic line…. made me almost spit out my coffee while I was working writing with my “man pen”

  12. I don’t know if this is women getting unfair special treatment, or being sensitive and respectful to their particular gender-specific needs….

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