My Life’s Most Hilarious Moment, Courtesy of My Mother

There’s a moment in my life that really sticks with me. No matter how many times I relive it, it always makes me laugh.

I was a teen and flying to meet up with relatives in Hawaii. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were all waiting for my arrival at the Maui airport. They were standing with dozens of other people outside the doors of the airport.

The stairs were similar to this only taller, and on a platform with wheels

Island to island flights are on smaller prop planes and they roll a treacherous metal outdoor stairway up to the plane to let the passengers exit.  It was extremely windy. As I gingerly stepped onto the stairs in my heels, the wind caught my skirt. I had never been to Hawaii before, and didn’t know a flowing skirt wouldn’t be a good choice.

I frantically grabbed at my skirt to keep from exposing myself to everyone and thanked God I wasn’t going commando. The wind was blowing my long hair in my face making it hard to see where I was stepping. The stairs were steep, slick, narrow and not sturdy. I struggled to keep myself from slipping onto the pavement and breaking my front teeth out, while keeping my skirt from blowing over my head.

In the middle of this tricky descent, I heard my mother scream at me at the top of her lungs like a crazed fan, “ISN’T SHE GORGEOUS??!!!!”

Recognizing that voice, I froze in mid-step and, mortified, stared through hair strands in her general direction. A hush fell over the crowd waiting on the tarmac, as all eyes turned toward the plane. People then glanced at each other in thrilled disbelief, ”Oh, my God, someone famous has arrived! Right here!”

A buzz of excitement washed over the group as their excitement grew. Their eyes quickly scanned the area. They looked again toward the stairs, their eyes looking right..…past me as they wondered, ”WHERE?! WHERE IS SHE?!”

I can still see their excited expressions turn to slight bewilderment as they tried to figure out where the Sports Illustrated supermodel went. I laugh my ass off when I remember this.

Not a future supermodel