Recently, Kanye West wrote a love song for Kim K called “Perfect Bitch” so I asked a male friend to come up with a list of qualities his ideal woman should possess. He used, as a base, the exact list from the female blogger I mocked in my “You’re Going to End Up a Crazy Cat Lady!” blog. I thought her list of requirements for a man was beyond ridiculous, but others thought it was “reasonable.”
Let’s see how her “non-negotiable list” sounds coming from a man. (Her original list is in bold face. What he wants in a woman is written after that.)
- Honesty/Integrity/Loyalty/Sincerity/Values/Priorities – I would prefer a virgin, but it’s okay as long as she hasn’t spread herself around too much. Sluts need not apply. (And I don’t like tramp stamps, ladies.) I am to be her priority, of course.
- Best Friend/Confidant – She needs to keep her big mouth shut and not blab everything to her girlfriends or the gay guy doing her her hair.
- Confident/Secure – I don’t want to have to give her compliments every five seconds or lie and tell her I don’t want to bang any other women.
- Self-awareness – A lizard has self-awareness, why is this on the list?
- Humility – She needs to know/accepts when she’s done or said something wrong and apologize
- Responsible/Dependable – She needs to accept responsibility and take care of things and not expect me to do everything because I’m the man.
- Chemistry/Passion/Intensity/Sexual Compatibility– She needs to have a perfect body, Nice tits, nice ass. And be horny for me all the time. She needs to engage in lesbian sex while I watch. Also she needs to change her hair color often. I don’t always want to be boning a brunette.
- Respectful – She needs to know when to shut up when I am tired of hearing her little stories. She should quickly back out of the room when I give her “the look” that I’m bored with her.
- Non-procrastinator – She immediately needs to jump when I tell her I want something, whether it be to bring me a beer or get me another pillow. I don’t want her late for things, either. No excuses, like she had to do her hair.
- Must be good for me – This goes without saying.
- Enjoys snuggling/kissing/PDA – She needs to give head often and engage in threesomes. I also don’t want her embarrassing me in public with displays of PDA.
- Social/Work/Hobbies/Alone Time – I don’t want to spend time with her family. And she needs to accept I need alone time. Leave me alone so I can jerk off in peace.
- E.Q. – the ability to correctly assess the emotions and oneself and those with whom one interacts – She needs this in order to read my mind so she doesn’t get on my nerves by babbling about topics I’m not interested in, like fashion, her family or celebrity gossip.
- Conversation/Communication skills – She needs to stop trying to communicate so much. I want quiet, especially when the game is on. See #13
- Shares all household responsibilities – In addition to the household chores, she should change the oil in the car, be able to overhaul the engine, clean out gutters, repair the roof, trim hedges, that sort of thing.
- Ambition/Dreams/Goals – She needs to do whatever she can to help me achieve my goals. I don’t care what hers are. I don’t want to deal with some woman’s pipe dream of being a “singer” some day.
- Non-abusive – That means no throwing vases and slamming doors when she’s angry.
- Vulnerable – I want her to be less vulnerable. I don’t want to have to deal with tears. Stop crying so much.
- Compassionate – Goes without saying
- Empathetic – See #13
- Willingness to grow – This is psycho babble. I don’t even know what this means.
- Boundaries – She needs to respect my boundaries, like when I want to go out with my guy friends without her.
- Work Ethic – She should work at a full-time job like I do.
- Enriching/Challenging/Nurturing – I don’t want her “challenging” me. I don’t need that from a woman. Nurturing goes without saying.
- Sense of humor – It’s okay for her to have sense of humor unless she brays like donkey. And no raunchy jokes or jokes about sex, unless we’re in private.
- Financial stability – Stop spending so much of my money, especially on shoes. I don’t give a rat’s ass about fancy shoes.
- And maybe even more….I would also like her to go to that Geisha school in Japan. No, I don’t want her wearing all that clown makeup or playing that stupid little instrument. I want her to learn how to please me.
Now, readers, how does this list sound coming from a man?
He sounds like a male chauvenist. Why is it those of you who found The Cat Lady list to be reasonable, think when a man demands the same things, he’s a pig?
Admit it, you think he’s a pig.
Because when you look at this list from a man’s point of view it is patently absurd. But, hey it’s her list.
To see the Crazy Cat Lady Blog go here.