From Your Balls to Her Heart

Recently, I became aware of the love-making technique called Karezza. The word is Italian for caress. Karezza is defined as a “spiritual way of having sex.” It’s not new age-y even though it sounds like it.

Think of all the money you’ll be saving money on these

With Karezza, neither partner has sex with the intent to achieve orgasm. There is no happy ending. It’s described as the “gentle way of sexual intercourse” without having those messy ejaculations. (Bonus: no wet spots)  Otherwise known as blue balls.

The concept was created in 1896 by some Victorian spinster. She probably came up with the idea ’cause back then sex was seen as dirty, and not something to be enjoyed. This could be a way to “clean” it up, make it non-sex and non-fun.

This guy had obviously done the Karezza

But isn’t this what women experience on a regular basis? Not getting enough orgasms? Is this just a clever way to keep women from bitching about not getting the Big O? When your partner isn’t pulling his weight in the lovemaking department he always can claim he was “doing the Karezza.”

Here are some guidelines for achieving a non-happy finish:

• Smiling, with eye contact
• Gazing into each others eyes for several moments
• Synchronised breathing
• Holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour
• Wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure
• Stroking, hugging and massaging with intent to comfort, rather than gain something
• Gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort

“Karezza is effortless” describes one male practitioner of it. “All I did was to remain nearly still while engaged in sex and breathed slow, deep breaths. I did nothing else. Anyone could do Karezza.”

Hef is a  Master practitioner of Karezza

Uhm, yeah, cause all you’re doing is laying there breathing. This is what Hugh Hefner does in the sack.

One female practitioner said of Kareeza: “With or without clothes, it feels more like two dolphins frolicking.” 

Huh?!

“Karezza heals and beautifies” proclaims one website about it, as if magical things happen when you take most of your clothes off while groping someone’s crotch. With Karezza, strip clubs are the new hospitals.

This couple died of boredom while doing Karezza

Now that you know about this exciting technique, dear readers:  Go forth and spoon!

Tagged as: blue balls, comedy, couples, dating, entertainment, humor, Karezza, marriage, no orgasm method of sex, relationships, sex