Not A Safe Space

Screw Trust. You Need to be Watching Your Man Like a Hawk

Some bloggers responded to my post “He Doesn’t Want to be Your Effing Friend!!” with statements about how you just need to trust your partner. Wrong.

We’re always told in order to have a healthy relationship you must trust your partner. It would be great to trust your partner—whether it’s a man or woman. The fact is, you shouldn’t. Trust makes a sucker out of you. Trust is something that should be rarely given.

You don’t need trust. You need smarts.

Trust me

Trusting is foolish. Just ask all of Bernie Madoff’s investors who trusted him with their life savings.

Let’s review some examples of where trust caused an epic failure:

One of my friends trusted her hubby of 12 years when he said he was seeing another woman at her home to supposedly give her Mormon lessons. Turns out he was pounding those lessons into her. Nice and hard. My friend divorced him, and has been left to raise two kids alone.

What should she have done? Not blindly trusted him. Realize he’s a man. And for heaven’s sake, not allow him to go over to some other woman’s home alone to give “lessons.”

Realize that if a woman throws herself at a man–even if he’s married–he’ll probably bang her. (Unless, of course, some rare thing happens to cause him to not find her attractive…at that moment.)

One of my friend’s husbands was helping a young widow. He told his wife he was doing her gardening. His wife trusted him. Turns out he was mowing the widow’s lawn, and not just the green one growing outside. They ended up divorcing over all the seeding her hubby did in the widow’s garden. Why did he ruin his marriage?

 Men like strange.

Men have strong sex drives. It’s in their DNA to have sex with multiple partners to spread it around. It’s biology.

Does this mean you have to strap a GPS on your man’s cock to know where it is located at all times? No. (Although that’s not a bad idea, and make sure it has a moisture sensor. There should be an app for your phone called “Find His Dick”. )

You want to keep your man? Don’t be an idiot. Be aware. Run interference. Don’t let him spend too much time with another women—no matter who that woman is.

Oh, yeah, I’m gonna trust my man with this hot babe, that sounds like a good plan

When Jennifer Aniston was married to Brad Pitt, he starred in Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Angelina Jolie—one of the sexiest, most beautiful women predators on earth. Jen clearly didn’t run any interference on that movie set. She must have trusted Brad. What did that trust get her? A divorce.

Angelia now has her man.

Arnold Schwarzenegger cheated on Maria with their maid and got her pregnant. He didn’t even have any particular criteria for a sex partner. Just any vagina available at the time he felt the urge to unload. Instead of stupidly trusting him, Maria should have been watching her man.

Presidential wanna-be John Edwards got his mistress, Rielle pregnant. Then lied about it, claiming Rielle’s baby was fathered by his assistant, Andew. His wife, Elizabeth backed him up, totally trusting his lying ass.

Here he’s lying to the world, declaring the baby isn’t his

The worst part isn’t an out-of-wedlock baby. It’s that millions of people trusted Edwards. They trusted he was a good family man. They lined up to vote for him for President.

This is Robin with Marsha, the nanny-turned-wife

The late Robin Williams divorced his first wife to marry his son’s nanny, after he got the nanny pregnant. (Maybe his wife should have raised her own kid.)

I could go on.

Are you seeing a pattern here? The root problem is this naive, stupid thing called trust. Instead of trusting, you need to be wary. You need to watch and verify.

I can hear it now, “But Staked, my man would never, ever cheat on me. I just know he wouldn’t! We trust each other.”

Really? Your man isn’t going to want to tap this hottie if she were begging him to make love to her. You sure about that?

“But, I don’t want a relationship if I can’t completely trust my partner!”

Fine. Trust away.

Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when you catch him in bed with your best friend, the new neighbor, a co-worker, the maid, some waitress from the diner he frequents, one of his good female “friends” or the hottie to the right.

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Categorised in: General Relationship Advice, Humor

32 Responses »

  1. I will say I agree with all of your articles for the majority of men. It completely devalues their compassion and intellect as a civilized human and not a Neanderthal. I believe that is precisely why it’s so accurate. It’s also why women always mature faster, because men will be men, women are judged completely differently. I don’t know one woman my age (22) that doesn’t have a high sex drive but would rather masturbate as men cannot satisfy them. Not to say they don’t engage in sex but they prefer masturbation as they can guarantee and orgasm. Another thing left to women, take care of the man and of yourself. While men will be men and don’t have to take responsibility because apparently they are the only ones who nature intended to reproduce. Helloo females get horny as hell when they are ovulating every month. Why are they expected to moreso be monogamous without issues? If a guy is cheating on you why should you be lurking? Leave him and find someone who’s not a dick. Why would someone subject themselves to that? You can’t track him every second, if he wants to cheat he will cheat. Look at all these men, they all cheated after they left their first wives too. Robin killed himself, why put the blame and responsibility on the women? These women could spend that time looking for someone else. I do like that your mysogynis tic views are not too blatant but I think you need to really reflects little. It’s better to hold out and meet all the guys you can to find one that’s not a pig than to waste your time with a pig only to be dumped when you get older.
    Btw. If females throughout history were not shamed, stoned, raped, brutally sodomized,disfigured,enslaved and murdered for expressing their sexuality we would live in a world with higher female libidos… Way higher than men
    Human Female orgasms are some of the most intense in the entire animal kingdom. So what you’re speaking about has to do with history and its “biological implications” I use that term very loosely though because it’s not actually something that can be proven on a physical scale…more on a societal and psychological one.

  2. Trust, but verify.

    A very deceptive, manipulative, lying woman taught me this the hard way. Don’t let them make you feel bad for checking. In my opinion, if you are screwing with someone’s head and heart then you have no right to privacy in what you are up to.

  3. And yes, men and women CAN be friends. My two closest friends are women. One for more than 15 years now. Never had sex with either. Never want to have sex with either.

    People who say this stuff are basically paranoid. They think that you need to control your partner to have them stay with you.

    That couldn’t be further from the truth.

  4. Trusting your spouse is foolish??

    NOT trusting your spouse is a guarantee that your relationship will fail. this is terrible advice.

      • A healthy relationship has trust at its core. A poor one does not. Purposely snooping on a partner — to control them — will lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

        I’m sorry, but your advice is counter-productive. Cynical.

        Yes, people cheat, but stating that you will never trust a partner? You will never find real love that way. Just my opinion.

        • I never said anything about snooping to control your partner. I said don’t blindly trust. Don’t be an idiot.

          Here’s being an idiot: letting your husband star in movie with one of the world’s sexiest women. Funny how I knew the instant I heard Brad was going to be in a movie with Angelina that they would hook up. It’s not that I’m psychic…..

          If you’re going to let your hot man spend a lot of time with a hottie woman, don’t be shocked when they end up having sex. It’s only common sense, and “trusting” that isn’t going to happen is just you being a dumbass.

          Your view of relationships is naive.

          • No, that’s not what you wrote. Nobody believes in ‘blind trust’ nor did I say anyone should. that’s foolish.

            What you basically wrote is that NOBODY (eg, no MAN) should be trusted. Ever.

            And that’s the death of any relationship, and will create self-fulfilling prophecies.

            • I know this is an old comment, but I agree with you. Not all guys are going to cheat just because they have a naturally high sex drive; in fact more often than not, I see women not saying no to an affair than guys. I get that it is stupid to automatically trust a person, (regardless of who), but this article does come off paranoid like you said.

            • Lack of trust is rarely the end of a relationship. Just the chance of having a healthy one. The world is full of people who don’t understand how healthy and supportive a relationship can actually be. Many marriages have partners with so little self-respect that they think lying is normal, and who are so selfish that they are willing to seriously wound their partner just to amuse themselves. (It does bolster their shaky ego, as well.)

          • Let your husband star in a movie? I would never marry anyone who would let me tell him how to run his career. And it is none of my husband’s business if I work with any hot people, either. I, for one, think that naive is a good thing-“having or showing unaffected simplicity of nature or absence of artificiality;” It is not shameful to trust someone you love and let yourself be vulnerable. It is wise beyond anything that you wrote here, and something only strong people do.

            • It isn’t shameful to trust someone, it’s just stupid. Letting yourself be vulnerable in love and lacking common sense are two different things. You must be very young to have such fanciful ideas about relationships.

    • It is just a matter of what sort of relationship you want. Someone who wants a deeply intimate relationship will only be with someone they can trust. Other people are just wishful of a superficial bond and maybe some practical partnership. I left a relationship for that very reason. I was sure he loved me, but he couldn’t tolerate much intimacy. When it came down to me feeling I needed to act like this article suggests a woman should, yuck- I asked him to go. Life is too short to spend it babysitting an emotionally immature person who doesn’t want to grow up.

  5. I think there’s a danger to spending all your time jealously being suspicious of your partner as well. I once had a girlfriend of three years who constantly complained that she didn’t trust me, that she thought I was fucking every girl I ran into, and that she had to keep checking up on me to make sure I wasn’t accidentally having sex with some random girl. Finally, I had enough of the suspicion and broke up with her.

    Distrusting your partner may keep you from being cheated on, but if you don’t trust your partner, (s)he may end up not wanting to spend any more time with you anyway.

    In the end, I think the best thing to do is temper your trust with reason. If your partner has never cheated on you, has never shown an intent or inclination to cheat on you, or doesn’t hide things from you, then running around rampant with unjustified suspicions will only poison your relationship, However, if your partner has given you reason to distrust his/her fidelity, then you can justifiably be a little more…active in your suspicion.

  6. Hey Carolina,how much hate male from feminists have you gotten since this article lol?Just saying.

  7. Love, love, love your euphemisms! And “Mormon lessons”…classic!

  8. HILARIOUS. My husband is 10 minutes late from work, and now that I’ve read your post, I’m getting nervous. Hopefully he didn’t bump into Angelina Jolie. Or a sexy, feminine lamp post 🙂 Awesome post, as always.

  9. Seriously, are you really a woman? How could you know all this stuff? It’s amazing. I’m perplexed you’re not getting more comments. Hopefully you’re getting thousands of hits!
    bbb

    • I got lots of hits for my blog the other day about how men and women can’t be friends. And slammed for it. People just went wild telling me how wrong I was.

      Maybe the problem there was that we need a definition of “friend” ’cause I think a lot of people think Facebook friends are real.

      • Can’t be bothered to read the article about male and female friends. Mostly you just state your opinion and then pretend it is a fact. I have several male friends, that I see in person and some I had sex with and some I didn’t. I always have had male friends. What I am unclear about is my same sex (female) friends. I did have sex with a few different women and so, I guess, I can’t have female friends? Right? Anyone you might potentially have sex with can’t be your friend?

    • None can doubt the vectriay of this article.

  10. It’s also a crock of shit to claim that a relationship can’t last without trust,or without a soppy agreement that both parties will trust each other.

  11. Security is not a good thing in a relationship neither.

    But it’s so ironic after all the cases of mistrust we see in the media,clergy,etc.,ppl are still saying “trust”,when they should be saying “don’t trust” lol!!

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