controversial relationship advice

Ten Dirty Little Secrets She’s Not Telling You

After reading some male blogger’s thoughts about how deceitful women are, I decided to respond to their claims. They are right. Women, in general, do hide the truth from men. It’s because if men knew the truth, they would be afraid. Very afraid.

Here are some painful secrets you don’t know:

1.  She tells her girlfriends everything, including what you’re like in bed, and how big you are. You would cringe if you knew the juicy personal details about you she’s blabbing everywhere she goes

2.   She really doesn’t like to go camping, hiking, parachuting, bungee cord jumping, white water rafting, hunting, mountain climbing, etc. She only says she does to make you think you have things in common

3.   She doesn’t like most sports—not to watch it—and certainly not to play it

4.   She doesn’t like giving BJs

5.   She’s all lovey-dovey with you, but when you’re not around she’s complaining about you–to everyone. (And it isn’t just family and friends. It’s hair stylists, manicurists, bank clerks, cashiers, that guy who works at Home Depot, neighbors, waitresses, co-workers, everyone.)

6.   She fakes it—a lot

7.   She can’t stand your buddies, thinks they are a bad influence, and would like to remove them from your life

 

8.   She got into the relationship with you for your potential. She thinks you need improving and she’s going to fix you

 

 

9.   She’s keeping a close eye on you. She uncovers intel on you with an efficiency that would
make James Bond envious. She snoops through your cell phone, email, glove compartment, Facebook, and anything else she can get her hands on. She will drive past your house late at night to make sure your car is there and someone else’s isn’t.

Oh, and her girlfriends are watching your ass, too, and they’re gonna rat you out.

 

10. She may be your sweet innocent angelic ‘lil Pookie Wookie Wookums. But, if you do her wrong—like lie your ass off or cheat—she’s going to turn into a snarling, fire-breathing, vengeance seeking handmaiden of Satan.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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39 Responses »

  1. By the way, I thought I was on your blogroll until I noticed I wasn’t :(

  2. I’m with danny on this list – some is OK to some degree, some stuff I just don’t care about (if she doesn’t like sports, I’m not bothered) and some is really dealbreaker material. The invasions of privacy on this list (particularly the snooping) are beyond major infractions in my mind.

    I broke up an LTR in large part because she couldn’t stop airing our dirty laundry to various friends. I understand discussing some stuff with trusted advisors but she made a habit of seeking a self-reinforcing opinion from them and then using it against me in an argument. Ignoring the fact that I had no respect for the relationship advice of her unkempt, entitled, boyfriend-less friends. It eventually became clear she was invested in the fantasies of this group and not the reality that was possible with me.

    As for the list writ large, guys need to have a realistic idea of what women can and will offer them in a relationship. If your girl loves all your teams and can suck a basketball through a straw, you’ve either got a super catch or a good actress who wants your approval. The latter is not a bad thing BTW.

  3. I laughed the whole time. I must say that I DO like all sorts of outdoorsy stuff– I’m very masculine in that way. Well, that and my raging mustache.

  4. I think a post like this continues to allow a male dominated perspective on relationships…and how we, as women, need to “act right”. Sorry Carolina. Epic Fail. Do what you do best and leave the guy blogger advice for MAXIM. I think they do a better job on describing how horrible women are in relationships.

    • This wasn’t a fail.It was spot on correct.

      And who should be dominating- women?

    • Hey, I just call it like I see it.

      Although it is a generalization, I’ve been watching women pull that stuff for decades. I didn’t come up with it off the top of my head, sorry to disappoint you. I got this material from observing women out in public and from listening to my girlfriends.

      It has nothing to do with male domination. It’s about what I’ve experienced.

      • “Watching women pull that stuff for decades”
        you’re not that old… but a hyperbole like that adds, i’m sure, excitement to your posts…

        That one poster got it right….a lot of these generalizations give way to characteristics of unhealthy and possibly abusive relationships…
        Looking forward to your posts on something more solid or solution based. Or healthy. It only has to start with one person. You.

        “cuz we’re all filled up on crazy over here”
        Good luck and keep writing.

        • You seem to know so much about me, like my age. Have we met?

          I’ve been listening to girls/women talk about men since I was a teen, therefore saying decades is not hyperbole.

          Some of them aren’t generalizations at all, like getting involved with a man for his potential. That’s common knowledge women get involved to “fix” a man.

          Don’t kill the messenger. It isn’t my fault women act the way they do.

          Maybe women shouldn’t talk smack about their men to total strangers in public.

          Maybe women should be more honest with men about how they really feel about things, like sports, etc., and oral sex.

          Maybe women/girls should work on their insecurities so they don’t feel the need to front so much to “get” a man. This is clearly something that needs to be worked on starting when girls are young.

          Being honest about what we (women) do is the first step toward bettering our relationships with men. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. So I’m starting, like you suggested.

          • blah
            Again Good luck and keep writing!

            • So you are trying to help women. Right. I think you are trying to sell a book love. Please. spare me of you trying to help anyone… Cuz. Because no where in your post is a solution. So get real. Its called sensationalism. Thats what you are selling. Stop lying to yourself. And stop trying to tell me it isn’t SENSATIONALISM. I’ve read your posts…very entertaining. But you aren’t trying to change or help anyone.

              • My primary goal is ENTERTAINMENT.

                I’m not a relationship counselor, and I never claimed to be. I am giving out advice based on my own personal experiences with men and relationships. See “About” where I state that.

                People are helped by learning from other’s experiences. I would have loved to have had a candid blog to read like this when I was a teen.

                Maybe you don’t need this because you know everything about men, women and relationships. Well, good for you. You should write your own relationship blog then.

                And PS: my blog readers are not the target audience for my book.

  5. Lol hilarious!

    The pasrt about she not liking my buddies;that’s cool with me.

    I really don’t know why guys bitch and moan about their GF’s accepting their buddies.I really wouldn’t care.

  6. I think some of this, if I became aware of- I’d bow out of the relationship. I don’t mind her sharing our personal stuff, but there are limits. Sex- fine. Tell them whatever you want about me sexually. But- news flash….men can fake it too. I’ve faked it before…..more than once.

    Girls and sports, some DO like certain sports.

    Some girls don’t like giving BJ’s, some LOVE it. Like nice girl said- it’s a power thing for most women. I’ve dated TONS of women that love giving head. If my girl won’t go down. Cool….I won’t give her treats either.

  7. HILARIOUS, as always. But of course, being a girl, I’ll never admit to any of these :)

  8. I think it’s funny. But it’s not true.

    • Where do you think I get these from then? Do you think I dreamed these up?

      I got this list of dirty secrets ’cause I go to get my hair and nails done. I go to clubs and end up in the women’s bathroom. I hear what women are saying to their hair stylist, to each other and to ME, a perfect stranger.

      And on top of all that, my best friends are women. I listen to them on the phone every single day. And what are they talking about? That’s right: THEIR MEN.

  9. I think that these are generalizations for unhealthy relationship dynamics. I personally take issue with quite a few of them.
    1. My girlfriends and I talk, but as I have positioned myself as a sexpert, I have kind of invited that into my life. We vent only when we are not being heard by our partners, or we know that we’re talking about something trivial and don’t want to bother our partners with the fact that they put the toilet paper on the roll the wrong way. We feel better, but if any of us is having a real problem, then we talk about it with our partner, not our girl friends.
    2. I enjoy new sports, especially if it is something that my partner enjoys, and is willing to teach me. I will be upfront and honest if I feel that it isn’t for me.
    3. I am a way bigger fan of sports (especially American football) than Boyfriend is. In fact, we went to an arena football game, and he was taken aback by how much I got into the game (screaming at refs for a bad call, etc). One of my girl friends has season tickets to the SF Giants, every year. So there are girls who are big fans of sports.
    4. I like them, but it is really only because of how powerful they make me feel. “I made you do THAT noise. MUAHAHAHAHA.
    5. I refuse to complain to random strangers, and I honestly feel that it not only exhibits a lack of respect for your partner, but for yourself and your relationship.
    6. If you are faking it, then you have failed as a partner. He doesn’t have some magical sense of what will and will not turn you on, and if you are faking an orgasm for “his benefit” then you are doing him a disservice. Telling him things like “I like it when you do that, but I would like more pressure on my clitoris” is helpful and he will thank you for teaching him how to be a better lover. If you keep up the lie too long, he will feel resentful of you when you finally explode at him in frustration. Take control of your own orgasm, and make sure that you are effectively communicating.
    7. I honestly love Boyfriend’s friends, but he has curated a group of people who are objectively awesome. They are intelligent, attractive, driven, and have their shit together. Same goes for my friends.
    8. Starting a relationship thinking that you are going to “fix” someone is a recipe for disaster. Love them for who they are, encourage them to be a better person, but don’t fool yourself.
    9. Again, an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Snooping through someone’s things speaks more about your insecurity than any wrongdoing your partner may have engaged in. Trust issues, work that shit out.
    10. Yeah, pretty much.

    • Your man has lucked out big time. I hope he appreciates you!

    • @ Nice Girl

      “I think that these are generalizations for unhealthy relationship dynamics.”

      I definitely agree that some of these are unhealthy. Very much so. However, this is a list of generalizations, which means they are valid in the sense that they are generally true. Exceptions to a generalization do NOT refute the generalization’s validity.

      “3. I am a way bigger fan of sports (especially American football) than Boyfriend is. In fact, we went to an arena football game, and he was taken aback by how much I got into the game (screaming at refs for a bad call, etc). One of my girl friends has season tickets to the SF Giants, every year. So there are girls who are big fans of sports.”

      The point you are making here, that girls exist who are big fans of sports, is a strawman as a comment to her list. I doubt anyone really believes that Carolina was stating that there aren’t any girls who are big fans of sports, just that generally women aren’t interested in sports.

      “5. I refuse to complain to random strangers, and I honestly feel that it not only exhibits a lack of respect for your partner, but for yourself and your relationship.”

      This is good. It’s great that you don’t. However, it is innate in women’s nature to want to share their emotions, especially the ones that upset them. This is where men and women differ greatly. If something is bothering a man, it’s likely that he would prefer not to talk about it, whereas women want to talk about it. Women are huge on sympathy. While it may be disingenuous to call it “complaining” women do share emotionally in a totally different way than men.

      “6. If you are faking it, then you have failed as a partner. He doesn’t have some magical sense of what will and will not turn you on, and if you are faking an orgasm for “his benefit” then you are doing him a disservice. Telling him things like “I like it when you do that, but I would like more pressure on my clitoris” is helpful and he will thank you for teaching him how to be a better lover. If you keep up the lie too long, he will feel resentful of you when you finally explode at him in frustration. Take control of your own orgasm, and make sure that you are effectively communicating.”

      The best point you made was not that faking it is counterproductive, but that your own orgasm is your own responsibility. Really, ultimately it is. It’s not the girl getting me off. Why? Because even if she is stimulating me physically, all the dirty thoughts in my head are what get me off, not her alone. If she’s not doing something right, I have to teach her what to do. Nobody can possibly know your body as well as you do. At the same time, women want to succumb to a powerful, knowledgeable, sexual man. If you’re not already that, you better work hard towards being better in the bedroom.

      “10. Yeah, pretty much.”

      Okay, that made me laugh pretty hard.

    • I like this girl. She’s a good egg.

  10. 2. She really doesn’t like to go camping, hiking, parachuting, bungee cord jumping, white water rafting, hunting, mountain climbing, etc. She only says she does to make you think you have things in common

    If guys think they should have A LOT in common with their girl, they’re deluded. If she just happens to like some of the things you do (that most women don’t), enjoy it, you’ve found the exception to the rule.

    4. She doesn’t like giving BJs

    It’s the man’s job to make sure she desires and enjoys him being in her mouth. There are women that find it gross (but they aren’t the majority). That girl that wouldn’t do it with her supplicating ex-boyfriend, completely enjoys doing with her new hot fling.

    6. She fakes it—a lot

    Same as above. Guys, if you can’t get in-tune enough with a woman’s body and what turns her on, you will be getting faked on and she will not continue to be happy with you for long.

    • Good point about how a man shouldn’t think he has a lot in common with women. Male and female brains are wired differently, and hence, their interests in life are going to be different.

      If never fails to amaze me how on online dating sites men list all these outdoor or extreme sport activities they love as if women are going to say, “Oh, snow boarding off cliffs! I gotta meet this guy.”

      As to women faking it–it would help if women were just HONEST about what they needed in the bedroom.

      • I totally agree. We should celebrate, embrace, and BENEFIT from each other’s differences, not expect each person to mold to the other.

        Well, women like guys that are active. Sure, that shouldn’t be the focus of their profile, but there you go.

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  1. Ten Dirty Little Secrets: A Response « Nice Girls Like Sex Too

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