Not A Safe Space

“Nice Guys” Should Finish Last

I’m sure these are very nice guys

Remember the post I did about Tommy Lee, and why women are hot for him? See it here.

I explained how “nice guys” are often socially clueless dorks, and that’s why women aren’t into them. This story illustrates my point:

When I was in college, there was this geek who made awkward attempts to date me. There was no way that was gonna happen. Oh, sure he was a nice guy, but he was also a super nerd.

In class Nerd would ask questions like this: “So, are we to assume that is to be in the parenthetical form?” Instead of just saying, “Hey, do we put parentheses around that shit?”

One day I was walking down the classroom building hallway when I heard someone call out my name. It was Nerd.

“Look what I’ve got!” he exclaimed excitedly, as he rushed over to me. In his hands he held a shoebox with the lid closed. He was positively ecstatic.

Breathlessly Nerd said, “I’ve been searching all over for you. I’ve got something special to share with you!”

I started to get excited thinking maybe the box contained a tiny baby bird newly hatched from an egg or he found a baby squirrel he was going to let me rescue.

His excitement was contagious. I couldn’t wait to see what darling creature was in the shoebox. He slowly and carefully pulled back the lid. As the light entered the box and I peeked inside, I couldn’t believe my eyes!

It was astonishing—astonishingly revolting. Inside, crawling with flies, were several small turds of unknown origin. (Pardon me for not knowing my shit.)

I automatically recoiled and gasped as I looked at the smelly brown clumps coated in flies. Nerd didn’t even notice my less than enthusiastic reaction.

Instead, he launched into an explanation of how the baby flies had just hatched, and how long he had been anticipating them, blah blah.

“Isn’t it amazing?” he asked proudly. He then ever so gently replaced the lid and smiled at me—as if he had presented me with something beautiful and wonderous—something fit for a Queen.

Important Dating Tip: Guys, if you hear a woman make a gasp of disgust at something you’ve done, like passing wind or Farmer Blowing—that’s where you blow your nose by plugging one nostil and let snot fly anywhere—WAKE UP! You’re turning her off.

Another Important Dating Tip: If you’re going to make a big production of presenting something to a woman, make sure it’s something sparkly, pretty or  coated in rich, dark chocolate–not flies.

Now, can you picture Tommy Lee or KennyPUA approaching a woman to present her with a box filled with turds?

I rest my case.

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61 Responses »

  1. You know, I’m not quite sure how to take this post. It’s almost like you’re asserting that only the assholes who mistreat the women in their lives, who use them and then leave them behind, who cheat on them, beat them, etc, that they’re the only one’s who are worthy of the attentions of a female.

    I think this is completely backwards. Instead of shaming guys for treating you with respect, kindness, and dignity, one would think that these characteristics should be encouraged. Either that, or quit complaining about how the dickface you’re dating now treats you like crap, because I don’t quite know how you can reconcile “Nice guys are losers who don’t deserve love” with “My boyfriend’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve me.” You can’t have it both ways.

    • It’s meant to be tongue and cheek, although it wouldn’t hurt “nice guys” to learn how to properly treat a woman. That’s the point.

      Just because someone is “nice” doesn’t mean they aren’t insensitive.

      • umm… ‘Just because someone is “nice” doesn’t mean they aren’t insensitive.’
        how are “nice” and insensitive” NOT mutually exclusive? that’s like saying just because an igloo is cold doesn’t mean it’s not hot. If I’m wrong, what the actual fuck does nice even mean?

  2. Carolina I am pretty sure I know who she is

  3. I wonder how I would be evaluated, WOW I mean I do like control, I enjoy spanking woman, I enjoy Bondage, but I was never abused, I have been successful, I do not have to work any longer but I choose to. Hmm I have had several long term relationships , that have ended , wow wait my fault, there I admitted it. If you read my blog it explains everything.
    I cannot believe that someone would put in man hours to evaluate someone, on a blog at that, man hours that are not billed, someone who has put a lot of thought into someone to make a clear assessment . OOps woman hours billed I want to be politically correct.
    Is it really adventitious or healthy for someone to devote so many of there hours worrying about someone Else’s blog.
    If you do not like someones blog then don’t click the link.
    We are all here for different reasons, we all have different agendas , someone are here because they are bored,then some are here to share information, be it correct or wrong.
    Howard Stern said something one day that really pissed me off, so I do not listen to him any longer.
    We are all different, we all have our own opinions, that is what makes the world go round. If we were all the same we would live in a boring place, and I would not be able to spank anyone, female that is..
    The person who remarked on your blog I think maybe she was just trying to get a rise out of you Carolina.. I like the controversy…
    As Always Much Love
    Vile

  4. hi Carolina: Well, when we were younger, there was one kid who was a HUGE nerd in my HS. Girls would never give him the time of day – he was smart, but so weird and awkward. Well, he went on to create some technology something or other, and he made $7 million immediately…..and growing with royalties. Now he’s got 20 girlfriends and he still completely remembers and is irritated by those girls who never gave him the time back in the day. Whoops!!

  5. Excuse me for not reading other replies… how selfish!!! 😛 Unfortunately I don’t think it is just the “nerds” that are completely lacking in sensitivity. My ex announced he wanted to surprise me with a gift (first one ever) and I was thinking chocolates, a book or something romantic. He bought me a SAUCEPAN… YES – he wanted to make sure I had a good quality pot to cook for HIM!!!!! BOY didn’t I cry and yell at him. 🙁

    • First I would like to thank Carolina for allowing me to still reply, on her blog, I truly figured I would of been moderated by now. So thank you Carolina.
      Second to singlewhitefemaledating, shame on you, that is right shame shame shame on you, how inconsiderate of you, and I will tell you why.

      The truth is 99% of men have no frigging idea on what to buy there partner, if we even are able to remember the date of a great event most females call it. Nothing like being asked, Honey do you know what today is?

      He looks up proudly and says why yes my sweet caring loving wife, it is monday, Monday Night Raw is on at 9pm. A very important thing to remember. Your going to say you don’t remember what happened on monday 2008 at 7pm, um no.

      Another fact singlewhitefemaledating, I am not sure where the white part comes in your name we can clearly see that from your pic, not bad.
      On Birthdays, anniversaries , Christmas, mothers day, what ever you may think the special event is. So they run from store to store, spend hours walking up and down each row of clothes, jewelry , electronics, yes this is true.

      So your ex bought you a saucepan , good for him because he has just gone through this horrific ordeal, on trying to figure out what to buy you. What do you get the female who has everything, men cannot buy clothes, we never get the size right, nor the color.

      Believe me there was much effort that went in to buying your saucepan , much thought went into his purchase, but you got pissed off because he thought of you.
      I am guessing it is a blonde thing if your really a blonde, but most women when it gets close to a great event, your day, most women drop little hints, about what she needs or wants.

      You should be thankful he bought you such a great gift so you could cook for him, you belong in the kitchen anyway, that is your job not his.

      So shame on you, for being so selfish.

      Vile

      • Hah Mister VILE… You are entitled to your opinion of course!!! WELL, after this blonde stopped crying she taught that guy how to cook!!! He was very talented and everyone at my work loved his cakes (whilst I earned the bucks $$, he was at home unemployed) When life gives you lemons… I have a knack of making awesome lemonade. 🙂

        • Wow that is something I do not understand singlewhitefemaledating, and unemployed boyfriend , do you know how common that is today. The female is the bread winner, while he sits home and plays his PS3 that you bought him, or netflix.
          Okay I am going to say I am sorry you cried, I am having a sentimental moment so don’t blow it.

          I am telling you, I am typing this real slow so follow me. MEN do not know what to buy, it is the truth, we have no idea, none , 0 .
          My last slave who lived with me, yes she cooked, most of the time nude. she cleaned, again nude, that was her job not mine.
          On her birthday, or what ever I gave her a couple of hundred dollars, to go buy herself something. Because Like those nerds , or your unemployed bf, who probably used your money to buy you a gift, had no clue in what to get you.
          Suck it up.

          • It was a little more complicated than that… he was injured in a work accident and I worked whilst he stayed at home with our daughter. The gift (which he bought with his money) was just him being a “clueless male”. What you and your partner decide to do in the privacy of your home is none of my business. 😛

            • I am not going to argue with you because you have understood nothing I have spent my time typing.
              One more time singlewhitefemaledating one more time.

              Men do not know what to purchase on your special days, for the most we do not care, we don’t.
              We buy things to keep women like you from complaining, we are trying to show we care.

              You did not say he was hurt on the job, you said he was unemployed, DUH. SO what would one think. LOSER.

              Another fact is, being finding a new dashboard for my 69 cougars GT Eliminator is much more important, after all I spent months trying to locate one.
              See this is the way men think.
              I am sure he spent hours trying to find you the perfect gift, You tell him thank you, and next tell tell him what you want.

      • I don’t believe in censorship. I support our right to Freedom of Speech. People sacrified their lives so we could do have that in this country.

        Someone would have to say something very abusive or way out there for me to delete a comment.

        And I do agree with what you’re saying about how males don’t know what to get us. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man point that out before.

    • So next time in order not to have your little feelings hurt, before your birthday or Easter, Christmas, drop some hint, on things you want.
      Then and only then if he buys you a saucepan, hit him in the head with it, then cry.

  6. By the way Danny I saw titty bars on your page, I have 10 days booked in the dominican republic, then im off to thailand for a BDSM convention

  7. I think what it is Danny we live two different lifestyles , nothing bad to each there own. I do not judge anyone man, every man has there own game, just like every female runs game,you just have to be better at it, and if your a Dork, break out the lotion…

  8. Goddam you’re still beating the shit out of nice guys lol!?Well they do deserve it.

  9. Wow, you certainly have had your fair share of interesting, for lack of a better term, interactions with guys. Upon reflection, you’re making my interactions with the opposite sex feel very mundane. And I learned something new – farmer blowing. I had never, ever heard that. Here in California we always referred to it as a snot rocket. Lovely.

  10. Smh. Nice guys DO get laid. A few if us guys have covered this. Most notably Kane. This is the deal-

    Nice guys that don’t call women out when they attempt to get over on them do not deserve to get a woman’s goodies. It’s called self respect. It’s all about passing shit tests.

    You can be nice, hell I tell men to be nice. Just don’t pedestalize. She’s beautiful……SO WHAT. Maybe she’s an asshole.

    Hold her accountable for her personality the same way you do a with guys, and you’ll do just fine with women.

    You ladies melt when guys stand up to you.

    • I Disagree, I think a man should be who he is, So many dudes put up a f%$&** front , just to get laid, because there penis is there brain, one thing on there mind is getting laid. nerd should be with a nerd chick, although there are exceptions.
      Most people think I am an A hole, a prick, self centered , cocky. It is not that I am a very confident man.
      At the same time you cannot walk up to a woman, and ask her if that is a bomb she is holding , o why did the kids leave toys in her yard…
      Please over a piece of ass

    • Come on Danny,what type of BS are you spewing?Nice guys don’t get laid!

      Of course they do actually.But they only get lucky.They have no consistency at getting laid,and they’re usually doormats for woman.

      So they do get laid:but not as often(and only by luck).

      • *sigh*
        Have you ever posted pics of strippers you’ve banged that ASKED to be on your blog? I have.

        Do you TELL women that you run a blog that teaches men how to chat up women? I DO.

        And I’m a nice guy, but I simply refuse to tolerate BS from a woman. Or ANYONE for that matter.

        Most guy over think this WAAAAY too much.

        Having a F*****it attitude is fine IF that’s just your personality. But if you’re doing it as a means to portray a certain persona to women. WEAK SAUCE. Sorry.

  11. And you were wondering why Zuckerberg didn’t propose to you? Kidding…
    I think these things are genetic, some people are just born with a deeper sense of (possible) sexual interaction. I’m weird, slightly too academic, but the clubbing version of me took drugs, drank and wore Cavalli jeans.
    The problem is people get hung up trying to define themselves as a single thing. The nerd who’s only a nerd hasn’t explored other aspects of his identity…

  12. Poor dude. I have a soft sport for awkward people. Guess that’s why I attracted them all the time. I married a nice guy, but he has just enough assholishness to keep me interested.

    • Oh, and my husband works with mentally & physically handicapped people. Sometimes these guys have Asperger’s Syndrome, high-functioning autism. They are often very smart, but have social difficulties and don’t understand normal cues and facial expressions, which sounds a lot like your “friend.” Often, they appreciate a person telling them that this or that behavior is inappropriate, because they just don’t know.

  13. I don’t know what pisses me off more: a) that he was so selfish, or b) that he had no friends to share this news with, or c) friends to tell him the inappropriateness of his gift.

    ugghhh! sorry honey!

  14. You are correct, and I will give an example , I have tried both ways , mainly when I see a vanilla female I would like to ask out, being nice and polite really gets me nowhere , in any shape or form, or I can be myself and act like I really do not care one way or another, and bam.
    Now does this work every time no it does not.

    Much of the main problem with men is a lack of self confidence on there part, or being a dumb ass like you said a farmers blow, or them expecting there date to leave the tip. just ym two cents but hey what do I know…
    I am just your average prick.

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