The Puppy Diet

I’ve discovered a new weight loss program! It’s super simple. There’s no calorie counting, no food portioning, no restrictions whatsoever. You can eat whatever you want, when you want

It’s The Puppy Diet. No, you don’t eat puppies, just get one.

Sure, I look cute, but I have the destructive force of a tornado

No more lazily sitting on your burgeoning buttocks watching tv. No more idling away hours on your favorite hobby while your muffin tops explode, because you’ve got to:

–  stop the puppy from pile driving the cats

–  stop the puppy from eating the wall

–  clean up after the puppy has unloaded everywhere but the XL wee wee pads

–  repair speaker wires the puppy has chewed through

–  stop the puppy from eating weeds, rocks, decorative mulch, dirt, bugs, disgusting stuff in the yard, and anything made of wood

–  chase the puppy down the steep hill, then climb back up said hill while he squirms and bites your hand

–  stop the puppy from eating the rest of the steel wool pads in the grocery bag

–  chase, feed, clean up after, and do everything else that goes along with a puppy

The pounds and inches will melt right off. You’ll see results in as little as two weeks!

You’re welcome.