controversial relationship advice

Men are the New Women

Once the whole metrosexual thing started we’ve all been on a slippery slope. Men are starting to become women.

Used to be we could easily tell the men from the women.

See? You can totally tell this is a man. He’s hairy and he has guns.*

Men used to leave their manjunk alone, and au natural….now they’re waxed, “pejazzled” and “scrotazzled.”

The creators of Vajazzle have designed crystals for the guys called Pejazzles. For those who don’t know, Vajazzle is the words vagina and bedazzle combined. Vajazzling is where magical Swarovski crystals are glued in a cute design, like a heart, fairy or star, onto one’s newly waxed vajayjay.

One salon advertised, “Nothing says confidence like Vajazzling, since it shows you are not afraid to be different, and to be seen.”

Important Relationship Tip for the Ladies:  Your man isn’t going to see your sparkly vadge and think, “Wow, she’s a maverick!” More likely, he’ll be worried it’s a choking hazard.

Once a guy has his naughty hairs effortlessly painfully ripped out by Verushka in what’s called a “Boyzillian” wax, the Pejazzles are attached.

They come in many designs, including a manly iron cross; barb-wire to show  how tough he is to other prison inmates: and a crucifix
for those who want to Pejazzle for Jesus. (Doubles as protection in event of vampire crotch attack.)

Dude, if you’re finding yourself sticking crystals on your manjunk in the shape of a frolicking dolphin–and you don’t realize you’re gay–let me assure you. You are. Gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

Like the new prom dresses which leave nothing for the high-end hookers to wear, men are leaving nothing that’s just for women. You’ve stolen our earrings, eyeliner, mani/pedis, facials, waxing, spanks, purses, and now our sparkly nether regions! Enough is enough.

*Thanks to Rubarbs for letting me borrow steal this great pic from her hilarious blog. Was it his Match.com profile pic? That would explain the blurring; he’s protecting his reputation.

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24 Responses »

  1. Pejazzling? Have women emasculated us men THAT badly?

  2. Plus this loser needs to get a damn job and get off his twin size childhood bed!

  3. Hilarious!! Another one of those laugh-out-loud posts!!

  4. I’m so glad you stumbled upon my blog because I love yours! I knew what vajazzling was but I had no idea people actually did it! I thought it was a joke! Wow!

  5. Wait, I wrote a post about vajazzling and penazzling. And I’ve got pics.

  6. I prefer a woman to be shaved/waxed, just like I prefer them without leg or armpit hair. Am I going to be revolted if she’s just trimmed down there and not waxed? No.

    At the same time I don’t expect women to be very well maintained and then do nothing in return. I buzz close (#1 guard) my balls and bush and occasionally shave my balls (there’s nothing quite like a shorn scrotum..and besides the baby powder feels even better when it’s smooth). In addition I’ve even taken to buzzing (again #1 guard) my armpit hair. There’s enough hair still to not look like a woman, but I play sports and I’ve found that I stay fresher longer AND as an added bonus I use way less deoderant. Win-win in my book.

    The more hair, the more surface area for all the causes of funk.

    That said, ripping all the hair out of my crotch in order to glue sparkly shit to it, is stupid. Same goes for women with the vajazzling. The last thing I want is a fake diamond dug into my balls from trying to have sex. Ouch.

  7. I think I might get vagazzled just for sake of being able to say I am currently vagazzled. It sounds like your va jay jay is hopped up on some crack and ready to chew something up. Man junk should refrain from having decorative sparkles unless it is on display at oilcan harrys for Man-Junk night. … Nether parts don’t need sparkle to get attention. Just sayin…

  8. This is brilliant! Love it! Can’t stop laughing!

  9. Scrotazzle. I am dying.

  10. I wouldn’t dream of letting anyone near my parts with a hot glue gun…

  11. I thought I’d better blur his face in case his girlfriend(!) saw it! I nearly cried with laughter reading this today!

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