Controversial Relationship Blog Saving One Crazy Cat Lady at a Time

7 Days Of Forced, Uneventful and Dumb Sex

There’s a new tv show called 7 Days Of Sex. Each episode follows the lives of two married-with-kids couples who have serious marital issues. In order to repair their relationship, the couples are told they must have sex every day for seven days—with each other.

The women are horrified.

This is the actual couple #2. Obviously, they’re married.

Husband #1 tells his wife excitedly that to get ready for their first sexy time he has shaved his nether region. It’s hard to tell which is a bigger turn-off for her, that he shaved or that he used her razor to do it.

Important Relationship Tip:  Guys, we don’t want to know about your boys, let alone visualize them with or without hair. We don’t want to visualize them at all.

Husband #2 is so uptight about their first session, he asks if he should put his pajamas on first. Surprisingly, his wife calls their sexy times, “uneventful”, “a disaster,” and “dumb.”

To loosen him up, Wife #2 forces her husband to go to….egads….a lingerie store, and pick out something cute for her. He flounders in the store amidst the corsets, crotchless panties and lace, admitting that he can’t handle “being surrounded by drawers.”

Important Relationship Tip for the Ladies:  Okay, if your man refers to lingerie as “drawers” there’s a good chance he’s not going to be spicy in the love-making department. (And he might need to have that Bible pried out of his hands.)

The show has a happy ending. Both couples lovingly renew their vows, but that’s the part that isn’t reality.

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36 Responses »

  1. Hahaha, now I do want to watch this show. When I first saw the premise, all I could think was, “So in order to repair a relationship, you’re basically advocating rape?” I mean, who the hell WANTS to sleep with someone they’re feuding with (unless, of course, that’s their thing)? How many of the women actually are getting off?

    • How many of the women actually are getting off?

      Well now, that’s a whole new column entirely. Even in non-dysfunctional relationships.

      • Touché.

        It’s so true though. If they’ve already got a crappy relationship, now they’re having forced sex that’s more than likely terrible, now they’ve just got one more issue to add to the list. Terrible.

        • Yeah. Some of this new age-y counseling stuff is bogus Or obviously just for ratings. Nature has a way of policing itself. Hot passion shouldn’t be prescribed.

  2. Thanks for the tip. I will watch the dysfunctional couples and feel superior!

  3. I heard about this show for the first time this week and just got a little sad inside for these people. I hope they got paid well for it. But I’m confused about the shaving bit too. Was the guy saying he only shaved his sack but not anything else?? I’m all about the man-scaping cause I don’t like choking on hair in the midst of sexy times (as a woman who sleeps with men), but I think that does require shaving of the entire genital area, not just the sack. And gads, her razor!!! What was he thinking???

    I may be a unicorn on this one, but I like a good penis picture. Not as the opening gesture, but down the line–absolutely!

  4. Many women are into their man grooming down there or downright expect it just as we take notice of how women groom. I’ve heard the feedback. Or as a gay friend of mine stated to me once, “Oh, you gotta manscape. All guys should to some extent.” And as we all know, our penis and scrotum is commonly referred to as a package or even playfully, an off-hand comment such as “nice package” is thrown out by women. To refer to one and not the other when it comes to grooming is kind of splitting hairs if you ask me. Pun intended. And of course we all know that good felatio isn’t just relegated to the tip and the shaft of the penis.

    Should any guy ever lead with this stuff to try and impress or just blurt out in general to someone he’s pursuing? Of course not. It’s going to have the opposite effect. Best left to blog discussions and then just maintained, unspoken.

    But many women are inquisitive once impressed by our other positive attributes and after there’s chemistry and we’re hitting it off. But only after that. By then, the best way to have her visualize something if that is where it seems to be headed is to fall into bed together and have her see for herself.

  5. “Listen up cutey, you’re no Brad Pitt- before I slept with you, I promise you, I’d rather go straight and sleep with your wife first- and by the way she’s been looking at me all night, she’d probably be relieved at not having the likes of you touching her.”

    I laughed pretty hard at this. It’s kind of a derail, but I’d be interested to hear your perspective on if gay men are ever attracted to straight men thinking (possibly correctly) that the “straight” men are actually closeted?

    • I can’t speak for everyone but… there are weirdos of all sexualities. In fact, I know a guy that’s only into married men (married to women.) I also know more than one closeted gay guy whose married to a woman. When I was 19, I was engaged to a girl.
      The big misconception is the idea that gays/lesbians are attracted to everyone (meaning anyone) of the same sex. I get that a lot because I live in a conservative suburb. You wouldn’t believe how many straight men who wear golf clothes and have to lift their stomachs to do up their belts, labour under the illusion that they’re attractive to gay men (and young women)…

      • That’s the thing that annoys me most about homophobics. “He’s cool, I just don’t want to hang out with him, because, well, what if he tries to hit on me or something?” Get real, dummy, not every chick is hitting on you, so, not every gay guy is going to either.

  6. I didn’t say that, now did I? I said one READY to give them many orgasms. My point was that in this case the guy was of course WAY off thinking that she would find that a turn on in and of itself, but that for a woman in a healthy sexual relationship, there is not much about her partner’s dick that she is actually turned off by. You said:

    “Important Relationship Tip: Guys, we don’t want to know about your boys, let alone visualize them with or without hair. We don’t want to visualize them at all.”

    If you think that a guy just not mentioning them is an important relationship tip, then you’re very confused. An important relationship tip would be to focus on turning a woman on through her mind and her emotions coupled with the physical. Women don’t get turned on simply by the thought of a hard dick. The hard dick must be one that she thoroughly enjoys because it’s attached to the guy who drives her wild. Being a guy that drives her wild before the clothes are even off will allow her to think of your dick as attractive and wanting to see it and enjoy every bit of it.

    Nobody gets orgasms from a sexual organ, they get orgasms from all the thoughts and emotions in their head COUPLED with the right kind of physical stimulation. It’s a common misconception that someone else gets you off. YOU get yourself off. The external person is important (and more desireable of a situation), but it doesn’t have to be there (point masturbation).

    • I think you missed the point. The male view of physicality is different from the female view. Whilst many men wrongly believe a “crotch shot” is a good idea for wooing someone online, that’s a fantasy. It’s not a fantasy individuals are responsible for, but one that results from centuries of patriarchal ideology being passed from one generation to the next.

      • No, you missed my point. Women LOVE to visualize things. While the penis might not be the first thing they think of to visualize (and certainly not without being already turned on, whereas a man will be turned on simply by seeing a woman’s breasts without any foreplay/words), a woman whose partner turns her on will be more than open to visualizing or seeing his erect member.

        A man believing that physicality alone (and up front) is the way to turn on a woman is of course misguided. That’s not what she said, though. She said:

        “Guys, we don’t want to know about your boys, let alone visualize them with or without hair. We don’t want to visualize them at all.”

        Which is just not true. Had she said that it’s far down the list of things they want to visualize or think of up front (as in, when trying to turn a woman on from sitting on the couch as pictured), then I would agree with her. However, that’s not what she said. She said women don’t want to visualize them at all, which is disingenuous.

        • Except you’re not taking context into account. The reference was to a relationship that wasn’t going well and even if it were, I’m pretty sure there are other things a person should/could say to their sexual partner that don’t involve shaving.

          • She was giving general advice. If she wasn’t, she wasn’t clear enough for me to understand it. Her quote is (again):

            “Guys, we don’t want to know about your boys, let alone visualize them with or without hair. We don’t want to visualize them at all.”

            Let’s read this part again, “We don’t want to visualize them at all.”

            Do you really think that she meant, “In the context of this specific situation (if any girl were put into it), we don’t want to visualize them at all”

            No, she was speaking to any situation by her own wording.

            • Get over yourself. If you don’t want advice, why are you reading a relationship advice blog? If you think you know the way to go, then just do it.
              I happen to agree with the author. As someone who modelled, worked as an escort and in porn, I’ve been around. Men who think their genitalia is some sort of holy grail are a dime a dozen and invariably wrong. The idea that describing it or photographing it is going to turn someone on, is a total delusion. So the author’s generalization is correct.

              • Easy buddy, I just said that she was speaking generally (which she confirmed she was), while you seemed to be saying that I needed to take context into account (which I didn’t since she was speaking generally). I totally missed on the scrotum vs penis and I’m glad she clarified because I was missing the forest for the trees on that. I read her blog because it’s interesting, not because I need advice, although I always appreciate feedback.

                Not sure why your background comes into it. Her speaking generally and not within context has nothing to do with your background. My background has very little if anything to do with my missing that she was speaking about the scrotum and not the rest of the genitalia.

                I was misunderstood the scrotum thing, I was wrong on that. The world didn’t end.

                • It’s not just a scrotum issue, buddy. My background means I’ve been around the block- enough to know that men who think they’re in possession of some sort of “magical, aladdin’s lamp” of pleasure they will so very kindly and generously dispense to the world are way off base. To say the least.

        • Aneroidocean, I stand by what I said, women are not into visualizing “the boys,” which I specifically meant to be the scrotum (not the penis).

          I’ve NEVER EVER heard a woman say, “I can’t wait to get home to see my man’s shaved scrotum sack.”

          And on a side note, you must be catnip to the ladies.

          • Okay, then I misunderstood something basic about your post (scrotum vs. boys) and I apologize for such a long conversation thread on the topic. I don’t hear of many women being physically attracted to the scrotum. It’s not really appealing to much of anyone.

        • It’s something only women and gay men experience in life, so I don’t have great expectations that many straight men understand that there is really no allure to their magical genitalia.
          Genitals, and pictures of genitals, and descriptions of genitals really aren’t going to get many women or gay men into bed. Except, straight men need to cling tightly to the fantasy that their genitalia makes them uber-special and once anyone sees them or hears about them, the sea will part and like an Axe deodorant commercial masses of people will surround them bowing to their greatness.

          • It’s interesting to hear this from a gay man’s perspective, but you’re absolutely right.

            Women make fun of men who email pics of their genitals.

            And LOL to the way you explained it. You’re hilarious.

            • The weirdest thing is that gay men deal with different variations of this from straight men all the time. I remember being at a dinner party once and I said something about my partner, and a guy (fat troll of trolls) said “oh, you’re gay”, and inched his chair away from me. You can imagine my response…
              “Listen up cutey, you’re no Brad Pitt- before I slept with you, I promise you, I’d rather go straight and sleep with your wife first- and by the way she’s been looking at me all night, she’d probably be relieved at not having the likes of you touching her.”
              General laughter at the table… He was embarrassed and has been very polite to me ever since.

          • See my comment responding to Carolina’s clarification (scrotum vs. penis). I really missed something obvious.

            I don’t think men’s genitalia are all that attractive, but to say that women don’t fantasize about them at all is still disingenuous. The scrotum is like Gollum. Nobody really wants to be around it and you just kind of feel sad for it.

    • The thought of a hard dick actually turns me on pretty quickly. It’s when the ugly balls come into view, then I’m done for. That’s what we don’t want to visualize.

  7. Actually, the girls I date rather like that I clean it up for them. They also talk about it. If you’re doing it right, the woman doesn’t have any problem being attracted by the thought of a hard cock ready to give them many orgasms.

  8. Thank you, Pinky. I was thinking the same thing. He seemed really uncomfortable with the whole being with a woman thing.

  9. The second guy sounds suspiciously like a closet case, the jury’s still out on the first one…

  10. WELL SAID ” he might need to have that bible pried out of his hands” , its like people think they were born out of a cabbage lool

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