controversial relationship advice

My WORST Nightmare Online Date from Hell Part III

The story continues as Psycho Headliner finds my address, and decides to come on over.

There he stands with an enormous bouquet of red roses.

We awkwardly chitty-chat for a moment. He wants to explain himself.

I tell him he can come in, but my two Rottweilers will be sitting with us. I warn, “Don’t make any sudden moves. I can only pull one of them off you at a time.”

We sit across the room from each other with my unfriendly Rotts not taking their eyes off him. Rotts are awesome. On the one hand: loving and loyal. On the other: dangerous menaces.

Headliner defends himself by saying he “asked a couple friends” and they said they didn’t think he is abusive or has anger issues. Well, okay, I’m convinced! Case closed.

I don’t let him get away with that.

I point out how insulting the things he says are, how negative, and cynical he is. I tell him he needs professional help.

He launches into his life story. He talks about his abusive childhood, and his drunken ex-wife.

It’s becomes clear that almost every interaction he has with anyone ends in chaos.

He goes to do volunteer work on an Indian reservation. He says something so offensive to the Native Americans they go ballistic, and they beat up him. He claims to not know what he said.

He has a druggie ex-girlfriend he leaves alone in his house. Wasted on drugs, she enters the cage of his pet jaguar. The jaguar mauls her, chews off an entire ear and swallows it. The gf is left brain-damaged. She sued, and Headliner was upset—not over her injuries–but about being held responsible.

Right in the middle of his heart-wrenching whiney confessions, he changes the subject. He asks, “When did you get your boobs done because in your profile picture you look flat chested?”

EXCUSE ME?

Caught off guard, I respond, “I had them done at the time it was taken. How would you be able to notice anyway from a tiny photo?”

“Oh, I blew it up and printed it out,” he answers as if this is a normal every day thing to take a woman’s profile photo, blow it up, and do a comparative analysis of her cup size when he meets her.

Important Dating Tip for the Guys:  Women don’t want you to enlarge their photos, search for body flaws with a magnifying glass, and then report your findings. M’kay?

That’s it. “It’s time for you to leave.”

He looks surprised ’cause he thought we were connecting. He has no clue how socially inappropriate he is.

“We’re cool, right? We’re friends? ” he asks as I shove him out the door.

“Yeah, but let’s not keep in touch.”

I should send him a link to this blog, and ask if he remembers me. He probably doesn’t.

Read the actual date in Part I of the story here.

Read Part II here.

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11 Responses »

  1. Meh. Insane dude is insane. Film at 11.

  2. after you let him leave, did he ever bother you again? I hope not….

  3. You are far too kind to these cretins. He should have been made to explain himself on your doorstep with the dogs snarling at him. Of course, I’m perpetually single so what do I know! Your stories are definitely entertaining though, so by all means keep being kind to these dudes so we readers can reap the benefit!

  4. I’ve been out with some peculiar guys, but nothing like this one I’m pleased to say.

  5. I have some awful stories of dating in my early 20′s. Except I was the psycho headliner. I once left someone something like 30 voice mail messages on the same day…

    • Pinkster, You strike me as someone who wouldn’t do that. You come across as very secure. : )

      • Maybe now I am! It was just one of those break-down moments. Imagine you go out with your boyfriend (who lives with you), they leave a club with someone else(I’m okay with that, in principle)- but then they don’t come home (that wasn’t part of the deal). You wait: 6am, 7am, 8am, 9am, noon, 1pm. No messages, no texts, no calls. I’m pretty sure I called over 30 times, then called his parents, his friends. It was the beginning of the end of that relationship. I’m okay with casual sex, but when someone actually wants to spend more time with another person…

        • I don’t blame you for calling that many times under the circumstances. Something bad could have happened to him for all you knew. He was inconsiderate to let you wonder where he was.

          You should have told him off and then dumped him.

  6. “Yeah, but let’s not keep in touch.” Classic. On the other hand, he’ll view this as you reaching out to him. Uh-oh.

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