controversial relationship advice

My WORST EVER Nightmare Online Date From Hell Part I

I was living in Las Vegas. He was a headliner at a casino. He had been on Letterman and The Tonight Show. We met through Match.com.     

No, it’s not Criss Angel, whose greatest magic trick is making his c**k disappear into lots of different women.

We meet at the Rio. The Headliner was attractive, well-dressed, but had a nasty habit of making cynical put-downs. We have drinks, and go to dinner. We share stories about our lives, how I rescue animals, how his former wife was a barfly.

He name drops, even calling someone famous and getting them to talk to me (not that I asked.) He makes an offensive comment about how he isn’t “sure yet” if I would be able to “handle” hanging with his amazing celeb friends. He would “have to see.” As if his behavior and manners are impeccable, but I could star in Swamp People.

At 3:00 am I tell him I need to go. Suddenly, everything changes, and he becomes Psycho Headliner from Hell.

He rants angrily about me dating “other men” from Match. I get up from the bar and head to the elevator to get away from him. He follows me into the elevator still raving.

Now I’m in an elevator–alone–with a raging lunatic in a deserted casino. Oh, sure cameras are watching us, and maybe the person manning them isn’t sound asleep, but there isn’t a soul around.

He says nastily: “On the way to your car, you will no doubt pick up another man…or woman…or possibly dogs or cats.”

Ah, did he just accuse me of bestiality?? Sure sounds like it.

I snap, “You are being very inappropriate, and that comment completely crossed the line!”

He didn’t respond, but instead looked at me with a completely dead blank stare.

Oh, great. Now I’m in an elevator—alone—with a raging Psycho Headliner in some kind of fugue state.

 

 

I feel like I’m about to be Angie Dickinson in that old  classic Dressed to Kill where she gets stabbed to death in an elevator.

The door opens up, and I make a mad dash for my car.

He yells toward me, “Say, could you give me a ride? My car is parked way over…”

[What's with these losers, after seriously blowing the date, want rides to their frickin' cars?]

I come home to find Psycho Headliner has left a charming message, in a sweet voice, on my voice mail.

You didn’t think that was the end of it with this lunatic, did you?

To be Continued…

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20 Responses »

  1. Can we just start the reality show with you now?

  2. Wow he’s beyond delusional! So curious about what he would’ve said. Can’t wait to read the follow-up.

  3. I would have gotten somebody to walk me to my car. very creepy. chills and shivers

  4. Great piece, I always knew he was a freak but didn’t realize that he was a freak of nature. Lots of fun reading! Waiting for the follow up… :)

  5. I love these posts. They are hilarious. They both make me glad I am married, and upset that I am not single so I can’t have great stories like yours.

    • no, as having ppolee repeatedly ignore your refusals of sexual attention as they press for more, as being told over and over again that if you walk alone it’s your fault if you get assaulted, as being mocked and catcalled BY YOUR UNIVERSITY PROTECTIVE SERVICES because you are walking home, as being told by your professors that you should shape your career goals around being a woman and not around your talents, or as having to limit your schedule and activities based on where you can go safely. ALL of these things have happened to me, many repeatedly, and I am actually comparatively lucky considering what lots of other women go through.Nice try with the false equivalency. What you don’t seem to realize is that women get their experiences disregarded on account of their gender ALL THE TIME, and the fact that the male perspective and entitlement is seen as the valid viewpoint, whereas the female perspective (e.g., please don’t hit on me or try to corner me when I’m alone. ) is seen as unreasonable, shrill, etc. Also, when I have told you something multiple times about how a situation feels for me and for many women, and why it is completely consistent with cultural norms (an invitation to someone’s hotel room is sexual THE VAST MAJORITY of the time!), when you refuse to acknowledge that, you are disregarding my feelings and I have the right to call you out on the behavior you have shown. When you further insult my viewpoint and my needs by making a ridiculous strawman that I (or RW) am somehow saying that we believe all men always want sex, it shows even more that you are not arguing honestly and that you don’t care about my point of view or my feelings. There is also a very specific pattern of denying someone’s experiences and talking down to them simply because they are female, and we are experts at recognizing it because we have to deal with it often. You are privileged and you have been taught all your life that your point of view should be taken seriously and there are tons of implicit cultural cues that have shown you that women’s viewpoints are not to be taken seriously, so maybe you don’t realize that you’re being sexist in how you think more highly of your own opinion than what other ppolee tell you about what it’s like to be female, but I assure you you’re following that very pattern (and it’s not inherent to being male, for the umpteenth time. Men who are considerate and thoughtful do not treat their interlocutors that way).A big part of what makes your disagreement sexist and offensive is that you are so, so sure that there couldn’t be any sexual intent for this guy, and you are spinning tons of ridiculous excuses. You are repeatedly refusing to see why his behavior is objectionable, and you are taking a ridiculously literal view of what he said, ignoring the fact that LOTS of human interactions have subtext and euphemistic phrases. When you specifically and repeatedly ignore that after it has been pointed out to you multiple times shows that you don’t really care about paying attention to a very real problem in how women are treated, and so you deny and deny and deny. So, he was excited to talk to his fellow peers? He could do that at the bar. IT IS NOT POLITE EVER to invite someone you don’t know back to your hotel room at 4am. This is basic common decency. Most normal ppolee know this. When you ignore this basic common decency because the person you’re dealing with is female, it’s sexist. And, as Ms. Watson said, if they didn’t know this they don’t dig in defensively and insist on their privilege to make other ppolee feel uncomfortable so they can have as much access to ppolee as they want. Trust me on this one, women have A LOT more experience than you in encountering and identifying sexist behavior, so maybe you should acknowledge that you are out of your depth and listen.Moreover, when you willfully disregard obvious cues of dangerous behavior that have real-live consequences for women (and I HAVE had someone touch me inappropriately in an elevator, thank you very much!), and chalk our apprehensiveness up to someone just being male, and then have the audacity to call us sexist for being afraid for our safety when there are very real danger signs, is to show an astonishing disrespect for what women actually go through. It also severely demeans our experience of actually dealing with sexism, when you so blatantly show that you don’t know what it means.A word to the wise, NEVER try to excuse poor behavior to a woman with well, he was drunk so he couldn’t help it. This is privilege, and it is sexism. It shows that you feel affinity to an Old Boys Club where men should get a pass on their actions, and it doesn’t matter to you if they hurt women. Please stop.Thank you for your attention to this matter.

  6. There’s a website out there called Mirror.com where people can give legitimate reviews about former or current partners or dates. I’m not associated with the site in any way. I just find some of the write ups hilarious. Sounds like this guy would make a great addition. Can’t wait to hear what he had to say.

  7. How awful for you. Fortunately most of mine have all been “funny nutters”!

  8. Wow. I noticed that sometimes the men folk on these websites save the crazy for later and hold back in messages. Screening help could be beneficial…but you never know.

  9. I think maybe, just maybe, I should be helping you in the screening process :D

Trackbacks

  1. My WORST Nightmare Online Date from Hell Part II « Staked in the Heart
  2. My WORST Nightmare Online Date from Hell Part III « Staked in the Heart
  3. Another Bad Date Brought to You by Match.com « Staked in the Heart
  4. Guys, That Stripper Isn’t Your Soul-Mate « Staked in the Heart

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