controversial relationship advice

Online Dating is a Chamber of Horrors Part II

As I described in an earlier post, I signed up for a couple online dating websites, and found it to be bizarre.

One guy sent me a photo where he had carefully erased all around his head, leaving it disembodied and floating in a white sea of nothinginess. I guess he felt he had to protect his ID by eliminating any dead-give-aways in the background. Someone might recognize one of his table lamps, and know it’s him.Another guy sent a photo of himself sleeping with his mouth open, in mid-snore with drool coming out. He claimed to enjoy “bedroom fun”. I guess he was thoughtfully providing a photo of what he looked like seconds after all the “fun” was over.

Important Dating Tip:  If you must share a pic of yourself with potential dates in your natural state, make sure it’s the one where you are hard at work earning a big fat paycheck.

Another guy sent a photo of himself on fire. He was looking for a woman who would participate in these types of “extreme sports” with him, like BASE jumping off bridges and skateboarding the urban jungle.

Yes, when we envision the perfect romantic date with Mr. Right, we have broken teeth, and are on fire.

A lot of the online guys were like that, they had a laundry list of sports and activities their perfect match was going to want to share with them.

Important Dating Tip:  Guys, if you’re looking for someone “athletic” who wants to climb Everest, hunt grizzly bears, kayak, BASE jump, sky dive, snowboard, hang glide, camp in a tent,  and after a hard day of playing, watch the game with a beer—you’re looking for another dude.

Want more online chamber of horrors? Check out Part I.

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7 Responses »

  1. As a man I tried it and I found the hurdles to be too much effort for the minuscule payback.

  2. Online dating is just plain painful for people who are sensible and actually serious about finding someone, men or women. You get to put up with unsolicited pictures of genitalia, we get our own special kind of abuse, and I wish it was pictures of vaginas.

  3. A friend of mine says guys send her pictures of their penises all the time. If I had known you could see penis that easily, I would have signed up for accounts a LONG time ago!

    J&T

  4. Well, be thankful you’re not a gay man. We get other guys sending us crotch shots for no apparent reason- which I never quite understood, because I already own a penis, and approve of them as a general rule. I’m past the “do you like this” stage.

  5. Isn’t it so odd what men will use as pictures on these sites?? No wonder they are still single!! :) Let’s just hope out of the endless stream of weirdos out there, a good one is to be found in the mix!!

  6. Online dating is strange isn’t it? I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds it weird and slightly creepy to sell yourself online. And it’s equally strange that people don’t understand that and persist in using pictures of their dogs, disembodied heads, or their cuter friends as profile pictures. Where are the cute creative girls I’m looking for!? Probably sitting in cafes coyly reading slim volumes of poetry. Or at home with their boyfriends.

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